PP's WAW Adventure Continues - (8)

[PigPen]

Hi PP. just caught up on your sitch and many congrats. 9 months and going strong. Well done mate. Very well done

I've read through and the loneliness is a bit of a tough one. Of course I get you miss W and the associated closeness but why lonely. Is it W or is it someone to share things with Is it W or is it you don't feel complete Is it W or is it physical touch with another person. My point is feeling lonely is just that , a feeling of more accurately a thought process I've read you posts about not wanting to spend time with W at hand overs and yet when they go quick and easy your not happy. I totally get this and it happened today I didn't want to see EXW and yet when I did I felt that loneliness start to come over me. I recognised it as a thought process and shifted my mind else'ware. Never easy but can be done

I'm very impressed by your journey and again well done on the 9 months

Take care. Rd

Thanks Rd, I appreciate your thoughts and note.

My loneliness is a way of letting me know that I need to let go and detach further. I want the dog drop offs to be short because seeing my STBXW upsets me. But then if she keeps them short too, it also upsets me because it feeds into the feeling that I was expendable and she can move on from me so easily. (Yes, that is mind reading, but this is also the third time she's left a relationship with me and jumped into a new life).

I see my own feelings and behavior. I want the interactions with her short, but only if I'm the one making them that way! It's childish and immature I know, I can see it from a mile away. Even admitting it is embarassing, but it's the truth. Part of me felt good turning down dinner not to punish my W, but because I had finally set my own boundaries. But part of me was also happy to be the one not being rejected. Again, childish and immature, and something I'm still working on.

The loneliness is about her. I miss her specifically. She has been in my life for years and years and was a great friend even before we were a couple. Now she is gone from my life almost completely. I have other women in my life that I eat dinners with, watch movies with, and have friendships with in addition to a group of friends to spend time with so it's not just general loneliness. I miss my W, we had a lot of fun and laughed continuously as a couple.

That being said, you're right. I can focus on anything I want at any time, even if it takes effort.

I hope you're doing well too my friend.

PP