Lonely Hearts Club

[Rouky]

How are you? How is your GAL going? What are your plan for this weekend?

[shotgun]

Hi Rouky I am not well. I am overwhelmed by all of this. Not sure if it's the medication making me this way. Going back to the doctor Monday so something has to give. I am struggling with the after effects of the cancer treatment and trying to get my strength and my weight back. I am hating that I have to sip water with every bite of food. Weird things happen in my throat at night and I have trouble swallowing. I just want to feel normal again. I have so many things to get together for the divorce that I can't make myself start on it. Every time I look at it I just give up. I feel like I have burdened my family and friends and I am reluctant to talk to them. What you are going through is bad as well and I hope that you don't get dragged down by reading this. You have so much going for you and your husband is an idiot for putting you through that.

As for GAL I am still going to the gym and taking yoga. I am not getting the lift from it that I used to though. I think I need to change up my routine a bit. I wish I had a workout buddy. Want to go to the gym Rouky? I need to be getting out more socially but I'm just too down to go anywhere.

Plans for the weekend? Going to work Saturday evening. I have to miss my S playing music because of that. It's the first time I have ever missed a recital. He was really sweet about it and said it wasn't a big deal.

I am so sad. What do I do here? I just can't pick myself up. When will it get better? I guess I need a pity party! Don't let me bum you out Rouky but it means a lot that you keep checking on me. Thank you.

[Rouky]

We are all here for the long run and I'm sorry if I feel like a stalker to you but I won't give up checking on you until I know that you are in a better place.

I can only understand how you feel about missing your son's recital but he seems to be mature to understand that you have commitment and sometimes they have to be put above your family.

I do think your medecines need to be changed! You have been through so much but you still keep posting! We are here for the good and the bad time. Wish I could take your pain away. I guess we got to go through it to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I don't know about you but weather here is rubbish:cold, dark in morning, and that really doesn't make me want to go out. Could a change in your timing to do this activities be worse considering?

Sorry not a gym person but a swimmer :-)

I think D papers are the least of your worry at the moment, your health is above all what matters the most! Is your W pushing for you to reply? If she isn't then put it on the back burner!

Take small step each day! What did you do today that brought a smile on your face? I love food and one of our colleague cooked us a cake, my boss couldn't help it (bear in mind we were all flat out), she said that it was orgasmic! Let me tell you that it went downhill from there! Never laughed so much in my life! It was a 5 minutes laugh but thinking about it now makes me smile.

Keep faith, we are bound to have ups and down, so don't bear yourself too hard. We are only human and we need to let our feelings out.

Will be stalking you soon :-)

[shotgun]

Thanks Rouky. I smiled reading about the cake! So lucky to have you on my side. I just can't laugh right now.

My wife isn't pushing for the divorce papers. I guess I should not worry so much about it. Every time I start to work on it I get so sad and just can't finish. Part of me wants it to be over though.

Interesting that you swim. I live in a rural area and there isn't a good option for swimming. I do love to do it however. I do need to step up my workout a little though as I have been slacking. I have given up on running that 5k. It seems as if I am in a downward spiral.

I will keep posting here but sometimes I worry that I will bring you down. You have been through so much. I do look forward to reading about everyone's DB efforts here and usually find a good deal of encouragement. So please keep stalking me and thank you so much for lifting my spirits. I hope that I can do the same for you :-)

[Avanti]

You are going through a difficult time at the moment and I really feel for you as I remember many of the feelings (overwhelmed, sad, powerless...) you have right now (having Rouky stalking wasn't one of them ).

What did make sense to me when I was down and in dark places was to focus on one thing and work out how you are going to deal with that and then get it done before moving on to anything else.

If I may, you've got a doctors appointment on Monday, maybe that's the thing you should focus your mind on? What are you going to say when sit down in that chair? What questions are you going to ask? What do you want to achieve?

As and when you think of these things over the weekend write them down and take the list in with you, don't trust your memory on such important things.

Be well Shotgun, know that there are many who are thinking of you. The one step at a time mantra is so important for you right now, so stick with it and start your own healing by doing so.

[shotgun]

Thank you Avanti. Mornings are simply unbearable. The last visit to my therapist I was advised to get up on the other side of the bed. She was also concerned that I wasn't eating breakfast. Maybe I should focus on getting my day off right. I am just so lost right now. The medication has certainly leveled me out but it is just too low. I am fairly confident that they will get the dosage right. I just have to have some help right now. Last night my sister told me that I was doing everything that a person should do in my situation. From working out to seeing the therapist to trying to eat the right foods and talking. I will get through this with the help of my family, my doctors and all of you here. Thank you all for checking on me and always picking me up.

[shotgun]

Did a little GAL today. I found a used couch and two chairs to replace what my wife took when she left. Went to the antique mall to try to find a coffee table to go with them. Also looking for a nice rug if anyone has one :-) In honor of my friend Rouky I am eating some Coconut Fudge Caramel cookies. A friend bought me lunch today. I did skip yoga but I'll forgive myself. It's going to be a fun night at work as everyone is dressing up and there will be a ton of kids there. My sister and I are looking for a camper to refurbish. We both are looking for a project. Thank you all for your prayers and support!

[shotgun]

Don't know if you have Halloween in the U.K. but if you do not then you need to start. It's a great excuse to wear a costume and eat candy. I will be wearing a Smoky the Bear costume!

[Rouky]

we do have Halloween, my kids keep talking about it! Glad to read that you sound a bit more upbeat! Good on you! Have a great night at work!

[shotgun]

Had a fun night at work. It has been a couple of months since having a fun anything. Mornings are still awful. Am I the only one who struggles early in the day? Feeling a little better about my house. Getting some furniture in here helps. Having a cleaning crew in tomorrow. I feel like I need to clean a little to avoid looking like too big of a slob.

Going to try to do some divorce paperwork today. Is there anything harder than planning the destruction of your family? Taking a hatchet to all that we built for fifteen years. Why does it have to be so hard. It would be easier to give up and let her have everything.

I am telling my right foot to move in front of the other. Then my left foot.........