Old dog seeks new trick 15

[Old Dog]

Hi Sotto.

I've no idea what's happening with her. The only communication I have is very short emails or text to do with the kids. I don't ask the kids about her either but I do know she still hasn't got a job yet as my mum asked them recently.

Part if me wants to say to her "it's not easy is it?" as she gave me grief over my job seeking a few years ago and also used it as ammo for why "we're not compatible". I have other "bitter" thoughts which I try and bury but that's not easy either.

I hate her for just drawing a line and never giving me a chance. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, still feeling hurt for the treachery, being abandoned, the time with my kids being stolen from me.

MWD has a post on facebook which people have commented on about shared history. I've often thought about deleting all the photos with her in them. I'm the one who took the photos do I have a lot: she doesn't. Then there's all the old skool printed ones. I think I'll store them on a memory stick for the kids so I can delete them from my computer.

Just writing this makes me aware of how much she still invades my mind. Stupid woman.

I keep saying I'm going start practicing mindfulness again. Today would be a good time for it.

OD xx