She emailed me today, in response to last week. She was cordial. I'm on business today and had to let the email sit for awhile. She asked if I would like to see S open his costume (it came in the mail, it is a TRex and he is super excited). I said I would like to and that I am available tomorrow and the rest of the week. I think she wanted me to do it today. Oh well.
Last night, I crashed at my Sister and BIL's. They have 3 kids who see me as the fun uncle so that was a lot of fun. After the kids crashed we talked about the kidney situation.
Through some thought provoking discussions with them I've come to the realization, that I need to discuss it with her. I'm willing and able to do it. But it does put our kids in jeopardy if both parents aren't healthy. One of us has to be around for the next 25+ years. I also whitewater kayak like a fiend, which carries a level of risk on its own.
So I think my position is that if things for her are critical I will offer immediately. But I would like to hear her thoughts, and believe this needs to be a co-parenting decision.
Now that I've wrapped my head around that I need to figure out how I would like to approach it with her.
Also my D BDay is the 21st and her party is at my house on the 24th. It is about to get busy...
Real quick here.
Before I, as your friend, could ever support you giving her a kidney I'd want you to be 100% super sure she isn't (and wasn't) having an affair on you.
I know it probably feels like you are over it now...but if all this was because of some married dork at her office or some other guy she met at dialysis...and she destroyed you and your family over it....AND then you give her a kidney. That's just too much.
Even if it is revealed she had one...at least then you could decide to still give her a kidney with that knowledge. It's just he finding out afterwards.
PLUS - if she's wayward, then IMO, she's a pretty unfit parent and therefore you probably shouldn't be risking your life because your kids need you, their much more stable parent (emotionally and physically) to be around them...for sure and forever.
I don't know how you accomplish knowing "for sure"
perhaps:
1. Private Eye (what the heck is she up to when you are out of town or with the kids)
2. You follow her when she's not expecting it (or GPS her car)
3. Followed by straight up asking her - "I'm thinking about stepping up to the plate and giving you my kidney but before I do I have to be absolutely certain without a doubt that you didn't divorce me because you were cheating on me with another guy....I couldn't take finding out later that you betrayed me and then, without me knowing, took my kidney too. That's not to say I wouldn't donate it to you anyway...but I have to know the truth about why you really divorced me....a full honest explanation that, I feel, you've never given me"
4. Whatever she says....ask her if she's willing to submit to a lie detector test as a way for you to verify her words. (you don't have to follow through but she better believe you mean to follow through with the test - lots of people admit stuff on the way to the polygraphers office)
5. In the alternative - did she take 1/2 your retirement savings in the divorce? Ask her if she'd be willing to sign a document giving those back to you after the surgery if it is later discovered that she's lying.
Might seem extreme...but I can't imagine the pain of discovering she cheated a couple years down the road when she's healthy again and you have lingering pains, scars and/or other issues due to the surgery.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
