Becoming the Anchor, Part 2

[Zues126]

Glad you two are talking. This is a very good spot to have gotten to, but also a very precarious one. Please tread lightly.

Right now my goal if I were you would be to not blow anything up between now and retrouville, or between now and professional counseling. I mean, that's the next step, right? He's agreed to go, right?

In sales they have a rule: When you make the sale, STOP TALKING. They've already said 'yes'. If you keep talking, there is nothing more to gain. But you can talk yourself out of a sale by bringing up a concern, or pissing them off, etc. So when you get the handshake, get the signature, and keep moving!

Same way, the height of absurdity would be if you decided that rather than waiting a week or two to get professional help, you were so impatient that you feel you can tackle these issues on your own...only to result in him getting angry and calling the whole thing off. Oops! Don't do it. Just be friendly and relaxed.

One other point- you are the betrayed party, but that doesn't make you or your views 'right'. The way you're talking you sound as if you're in the right, he's in the wrong, so therefor you get to dictate how things need to play out, what you want, what he needs to do, how he needs to be, etc. I'm just telling you how I feel reading this, and I would bet he feels the same way. Yes it stinks that he hurt you in so many ways. But if you want a PARTNERSHIP you need to listen as much as you talk (or more), you need to try to understand him as much as you want him to understand you (or more), and you need to validate and respect his opinions and viewpoints as much as you expect him to respect yours (or more). You have been carrying the lion's share of the work, but just because he starts coming around doesn't mean you can dump it all on him and say "you're turn to carry the load A-hole". NO. You are a TEAM. He reached the point of deciding he couldn't be on a team with you. Don't give him reason to think he's right. If this doesn't work you both lose, bigger than you can imagine. So take the righteousness, ego, and most your confidence out of it. Be HUMBLE. Accept that maybe you are wrong in some big ways. Be openminded that you might be missing some things. Tread softly, as softly as if you had been the one that betrayed him. You are not right. You are on a team, and if you can't find a way to both be right this won't work.

Hopefully you know I recognize you are doing amazing for being so new to this, and I am proud of you for not hitting him in the face with the seven ball. Just want you to save your M.