I'm pretty angry with him today. Nothing has happened, it's just all the crap he's pulled is circling around in my head. I'm ready to be Divorced at the moment. I'm tired of being treated badly, tired of his crap, and tired of having to be the strong, forgiving one.
These are the times when you get out there and exercise. I know you like to walk. When this hits you get away from everyone else and walk until the endorphin rush of exercise melts away the anger. That's the most healthy way of dealing with it. Don't engage with H when you're angry like this. Those interactions will produce nothing positive. You both have to work with your counselors on how to discuss all the issues without exploding at each other. That's going to be extra hard on you because he's acting like a jackass. Still, you're the one who isn't temporarily insane so I know you can do it. Buy a nice thick pillow and scream into it when you need to. Is it fair that you have to be the adult through this thing? No it isn't. Would it be easier on you to tell him to F off and walk away? Probably. The thing is you love him and you want to save this marriage so you'll need the strength to do that. You have to be the bigger person. Eventually he will snap out of it. It might be tomorrow, next week, or 5 years from now. If it's the latter then you'll probably be long gone by then and he'll live with regret the rest of his life.
Just ask him when he's really old, his life is winding down, and he's taking stock of the story of his life.....what kind of character does he want to be in that story? The hero? The great husband, father, man of integrity? Or the villain? The idiot, the betrayer, the horrible human being. Ask him. Show him a path to redemption and tell him it's there but it's not open permanently. You can't walk the path of redemption for him but you can walk by his side as he walks it. Also show him the path to his personal ruin. The path of the OW. The temptress. The succubus. Her path leads to him being the villain in the story of his life.
Personally I want to be the hero of my life's story. What does he want to be?
