The thing is, if/when your W comes out of the fog and wants to try again, the M won't be the same. It never will be. I am not saying that it won't work, it just won't be the same - it will be new, different, and stronger. If that makes sense.
Yes, it makes sense. And I held onto that for a long time. There's still a small part of me that somehow wishes it could all work out and we could be a happy family again - the kids would certainly be better off. But I just don't know anymore. I will never be able to look at WW the same again. She has been with at least 3 OM since we were married. That would take a very long time to get over, especially considering that she is the only woman I have ever been with. That was a special bond between us, and it's gone forever.
On top of that, she lied to me about so many things the past few years that my trust is totally shattered. It can slowly be rebuilt but it will never be completely the same again. Even years down the road, somewhere in my mind I would always be wondering if she was being completely honest. At this point, I really don't think I would want to be married to WW again. Maybe live together but I don't think I want legal and financial obligations. The D is going to cost me tens of thousands of dollars, in large part because WW never worked a stable job, in spite of the fact I practically begged her for years to get steady employment. She was too busy out living like a college girl, and now I get the privilege of paying her for the next 7 years the equivalent of a FT, min wage job. I won't be taking that risk again; even if we were to R now, I would require a post-nup to hammer out the details should it not work out.
And one last little update. Got a TM from WW earlier today scolding me for not telling her the younger kids had early release from school last couple days. I had already made arrangements for either myself or S18 to be there so they would not be alone more than a few minutes and I also called to make sure they made it home OK. But WW made a big deal about it. Feel like she's looking for any excuse she can to push for more custody, which is why I didn't tell her in the first place. She would have never found out except S8 called her and mentioned it. Ugh. Guess I have to be extra careful the next few months.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
