Ancaire, I am right there with you when you say his determination has been getting rid of you. I feel like even if my H wanted me back right now, he has done so much damage to my reputation, and has so many people believing his side of the story that it will be really hard to recover from this with any pride left. I am willing to swallow my pride, have been doing it for 8 months now, don't think he will do it.
I sometimes worry about pride. I am afraid that even when they see what they have done, they may be to stubborn to admit it and come back. Just my thoughts...
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I'm thankful today that I am aware that most of the hateful things I hear directed at me, are a direct result of the hurt and confusion H is suffering.
I'm thankful that I understand that the end of the affair is quite hard on him because of a pleasant thing called limerance. It's as if he is going through a drug withdrawal.
I'm thankful that Azzork reminded me that had OW been an ugly, biting annoying little dog, and it had died...I would feel badly for H; no matter how much I despised the wretched thing!
I'm thankful that I have not called H, just to check on him.
I'm thankful for Rule #32: Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.
I'm thankful for my friends here, who have talked me off the edge more than once.
I'm thankful that I not only cleaned out my closet (3 bags to Goodwill), I also cleaned the house! My energy and health are both clearly improving.
I'm thankful for my children. They are each unique, amazing, and wonderful.
I'm thankful I will be a grandmother (EEK!) sometime in November. The used my name to come up with a middle name. Her name will be Sawyer Jae. Sawyer Judy just sounds...crappy. LOL
I'm thankful that all is not lost. I just need to keep the peace for one week, until we get with people who know what they're doing.
I sometimes worry about pride. I am afraid that even when they see what they have done, they may be to stubborn to admit it and come back. Just my thoughts...
Very valid thoughts...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Every confession hurts but he's opening up. Better than him clamming up. When he opens up you should thank him for his honesty. I know that might be a lump of sh*t to have to swallow but trust me, it works. It's how I got my wife to open up. If I showed how much her honesty was crushing my heart or I got angry then she'd clam up and going into survival mode. You're doing well just keep your eyes on the prize (your marriage) and stick with the DB principles. I'm praying for you both.
TxHubby - that is some good advice! The last thing I want to talk about is OW, but he keeps bringing it up, and I get annoyed. It never occurred to me there might be even more to the story.
I will be thanking him for being honest. I'm stunned, honestly. If I filed today, that man would be in a world of hurt. Obviously not going to do that. I want the real H to come out of hiding and rejoin me!
I'm pretty angry with him today. Nothing has happened, it's just all the crap he's pulled is circling around in my head. I'm ready to be Divorced at the moment. I'm tired of being treated badly, tired of his crap, and tired of having to be the strong, forgiving one.
These are the times when you get out there and exercise. I know you like to walk. When this hits you get away from everyone else and walk until the endorphin rush of exercise melts away the anger. That's the most healthy way of dealing with it. Don't engage with H when you're angry like this. Those interactions will produce nothing positive. You both have to work with your counselors on how to discuss all the issues without exploding at each other. That's going to be extra hard on you because he's acting like a jackass. Still, you're the one who isn't temporarily insane so I know you can do it. Buy a nice thick pillow and scream into it when you need to. Is it fair that you have to be the adult through this thing? No it isn't. Would it be easier on you to tell him to F off and walk away? Probably. The thing is you love him and you want to save this marriage so you'll need the strength to do that. You have to be the bigger person. Eventually he will snap out of it. It might be tomorrow, next week, or 5 years from now. If it's the latter then you'll probably be long gone by then and he'll live with regret the rest of his life.
Just ask him when he's really old, his life is winding down, and he's taking stock of the story of his life.....what kind of character does he want to be in that story? The hero? The great husband, father, man of integrity? Or the villain? The idiot, the betrayer, the horrible human being. Ask him. Show him a path to redemption and tell him it's there but it's not open permanently. You can't walk the path of redemption for him but you can walk by his side as he walks it. Also show him the path to his personal ruin. The path of the OW. The temptress. The succubus. Her path leads to him being the villain in the story of his life.
Personally I want to be the hero of my life's story. What does he want to be?
TxHubby, I think, at least for me, if I asked my H those questions it would backfire on me because he would feel like I was shaming him. He does need to be asked these questions, but not by his W. He needs a good friend, an older brother, a father, a respected male to ask him this. But I agree 100% that he needs to think about this.
