I finished my masters years ago. I didn't go on for the PhD because of kids (that field wasn't family friendly). I'm struggling to motivate myself to do much of anything. I've gotten a ton done on the house because I need to keep going and I know there is going to come a day when everything comes together again and I'll be full speed ahead. And it will feel good to have it all in order. It will feel restful. I am working on figuring out a couple of classes I need to renew a certification for my job search.
In the meantime, I've filed for unemployment. My former boss is contesting my assertion that I was dismissed, so I have a phone appointment scheduled for Monday morning. Once again I have to put up a fight for my rights and I'm SO SICK OF IT. Part of me wants to just let it go, part of me is indignant at the idea that I could let her get away with treating me like that. I have the possibility of evidence that I was dismissed but I hesitate to ask for it, since providing it to me could potentially injure the friend who received it. I don't want to cause others pain.
When does it get easier? I am not unhappy, but I am injured and sad and I just want things to get smoother.
Also, Mr. Cr@ptastic (thanks, Claire!) wants to be all friendly and tries to hang out when he drops off the kids, making small talk. He looks at me every time he leaves and says "I'll talk to you soon" and I just DON"T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM. I can't talk to him without reopening the pain of knowing I tried so hard and everything went down the tubes anyway. I just want space to heal.
How long does it take to heal from all this? How long do I have to suffer all the worry and sadness that's in my chest and the anxiety of trying to figure out how to care for my kids while doing all this? When will it become normal and OK? I didn't expect to be so sad and to feel all this failure so strongly. I'm so tired...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
