S6 just called to tell me goodnight. Afterwards W got on the phone. Started talking about S8 and how he was just tired and that's why he was crying. I told her that he told me it was because he wanted us to be a family and not live in 2 seperate homes. Then I told her his account of her explanation for the S. S8 said that according to her, it would end soon and she wished it was now. She says that is not even close to right. Up to this point, this is all facts. You can say that this is what S8 told you. You want to be on the same page as she is. I mentioned that she is ruining a lot of things here, kids college, financial loss, etc. Ugh. Why did you say all of this? Do you think she hasnt considered all of this? There was no way she was going to be like "youre right! Lets fix it!" She said "should I stay just for the kids?" I said that I want her to want to stay. Yes. I see the spiralling down this conversation is taking. Im sure its a discussion youve had before. You arent going to get anywhere having it again. I expect nothing. I even asked who are you at one point. She made an excuse and got off the phone. It was nice of her to give you an excuse.
Just reading through this now. Somehow I missed it. See my comments in blue above.
It's not the best conversation youve ever had, Im sure. But it's done. You said what you said. Now move forward and leave it alone. It wont be the reason you get back together or stay forever separated.
Thanks az. You are right that I never should have said that. New it was wrong as soon as I hung up.
The ball is in her court. I guess I will just have to learn patience. Never been good at that. Seems like W is being very short sighted, and I don't know why I thought she would listen to me now. She hasn't since may.
Have to try and go back to being as dark as possible. She hasn't mentioned D, or me getting my stuff out of the garage or selling our at anymore. I keep thinking that those are positive signs. I need to quit thinking that way, I guess.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Thornton posted this: The LBS is also in a fog, E. The pain you are experiencing really changes the way you view things.
Something interesting often happens when a WAS wants to reconcile with the LBS. The LBS suddenly feels VERY angry and looks at the WAS differently, almost like they have lost respect for them and they aren't as attractive anymore. It's because the fog lifts and we realize our WAS isn't perfect like we had thought the whole time they were gone
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I agree that lbs are in a fog. I never would allow someone to do this to me, yet here I am. I would love to have the old (younger in age) W back that was happy and fun and wanted to share life with me. This one, my STBX if things progress, is not who I want to be with. So I guess we are both in fogs, hers selfish and uncaring. Mine is full of denial and too much hope and optimism. I keep praying.
I do realize now that as Sandi says, it will take a lot longer than I want. I see no signs of progress yet, really. I keep trying to pick up the small things as a sign, but then I screwed up and put too much stock in it.
Yuck
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
It takes time, some days it feels like an eternity. All one can do is walk the path, suffer through the hurt and pain and hope your spouse meets up with you later on down the road.
Women are stubborn, D. They are rarely quick to fold, especially if they're trying to prove something.
She obviously likes you. Go dark. Make her miss you. I think it's your best play right now. Remember not to be mean, just don't be where she expects you to be.
I went and met with some friends tonight. The W used a 2x4 on me. A few times. She was telling me to quit waiting on her and get on with my life. I know that she is right on some levels, but I hate the thought of it. I need to take steps that direction, no matter what outcome I have. Was invited to a Halloween party tomorrow, not sure if I will go. Could be fun, but I don't want to be a 3rd wheel.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I think it's really great that you have young kids right now and have all those fun activities with them that are still going on.
I realize this kind of a sitch is really tough, in many ways, when the kids are young. On the other hand, one of the things that always helped me back in the day was there were so many things going on with the kids that it forced my attention on positive things. Plus, as you know, being with the kiddos is just great fun and their love for their dad is an amazing thing for dad to experience.
