The other tact is to schedule the family dinners, and be friends with her, and not be so aloof, but still don't pursue. I do not for the life of me know where you are getting the idea that you should be aloof. Ive seen you write it several times. That is NOT the goal. Your goal is to friendly, like you would be to a nice neighbor.
It just seems safer to maintain a connection that I can build on, instead of playing a game of cat and mouse. Like I think Ive written before, it all depends on what your goal is. If I told you to choose one of the following set of odds:
Option A - 15% reconciling, 75% good friends, 10% coparents only Option B - 30% reconciling, 5% good friends, 65% coparents only
I believe doing what you are describing is Option A. I am not interested in being good friends with a woman that lied, betrayed, and cheated me, so I will consider reconciling or coparenting only -- therefore, I am only interested in Option B. That choice is up to you. My opinion is that by dong things that get you towards Option A, it is taking you AWAY from the goal of reconciliation.
This isn't high school. No. It's not. It's real life. And frankly, the only ones I care about are yours and your kids'.
I am concerned, because it sounds like you think this is all a game. Like, if you act coy and do this "distance" thing, sooner or later, she will realize her wrongdoings and come back. But only if you play just right.
If thats your idea, then you are missing the point.
The rules are not to "win her back". The rules are for you. They are so that you can get yourself the space to become the best version of you possible. Without the pressure of dealing with your spouse. Without making things in your R worse. If you spend the whole time watching her, you cant look at yourself.
