Unfortunately you can't force someone to get the help they need. When the idea comes from us it's also almost immediatly dismissed also. It's better to let them figure it out on their own, it may be the only way.
My W says something similar about getting help so I understand how frustrating it is. She says she doesn't need to get help because she can talk to her friends.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Random person posts: you should be looked at everyday as if your partner feels they won the lottery.
W: yes, we all need to remember that!
Maybe an innocent one, but it hurts me the same. I have told her how proud I am that she became my wife. Tried to show her and was rejected repeatedly. Grrrr. Just hurts, and affected the rest of my evening. And my baseball team got knocked out. Double dose of yuck. Even my GAL activity for the night was disappointing! Ok, not really.
I did feel like God had blessed me by bringing her into my life. Right now, not as much.
I still feel bad about being angry when I talked to her the other night. I haven't heard from any of them since, and that bugs me too.
Sorry, rough evening after reading the post from W. Don't believe what she says. Which isn't hard when she says she's been living a lie. And now wants to be more friendly in public?
Need either a foglifting pill for W or a quick detach.pill for me! Anybody got one?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Detach, D. Right now. Social media is evil, no question. People make up stuff on there all the time, or present themselves differently than they actually are. You'd be better off blocking her so you never see anything she does. I blocked mine. Seriously. I kept getting hurt, and it just wasn't worth it.
Stop thinking about the conversation from the other night, too. You were caring for your children. So what if you were irritated? She caused this.
Now, all you can do is move forward. Talk it out with yourself, or something. Watch a movie. Set some goals. Do something positive!
The problem with social media is: that is the only way I see pics of my kids. Otherwise, I wouldn't even have the account.
I saw today that s4, who has been acting up horribly since the S, learned how to ride our 4wheeler. We bought it for them, and it's little, but still. He's acting up, so she bought him a new toy (saw that pic too) and took him riding. Not the parenting style I am used to from her.
Detaching is still hard for me, because I keep associating it with quitting. Can't seperate the 2 in my head yet.
Last edited by dday; 10/16/1504:20 AM.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
D. I get what you're saying about seeing pics of the kids. It's interesting. It also leaves you wide open for pain.
What did people do before social media? They didn't see the pictures. The kids filled them in later. Just an observation.
You have to do what's best for you. Keep it for now, if the benefits outweigh the negatives. Just be aware you have an option if that situation ever changes.
Going to hang out with my sister, it's been a while.
My car has 4 tires that are holding air again.
I got to watch the ballgame with my cousins family last night.
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I can't get my conversation out of my head that I had with W. I said things that I wish I hadn't, and I know that I can't go back on it. I wish this nightmare was over. I want to be with my family again.
Now, I have things to do this weekend. Been invited to campgrounds, a Halloween party, hanging with sister, trying to reconnect with a buddy that I haven't seen in years. Going to a bday thing for S8 buddies, hanging out with the dads. These should all help. Busy is better, that's for sure!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I feel insecure today. I need advice, reassurance, smacked upside the head, etc.
Am I doing right? It feels wrong, which is why I ask, I guess.
I screwed up and had the R talk/ kids stuff talk 3 days ago. Said things that I shouldn't according to DB. Floodgates opened and still managed to stick my foot in my mouth, while talking around it. I have NC since, and won't until she breaks radio silence. I think she would call me if the boys need something.
I'm worried and want to make sure that I do the best I can. Doing nothing is hard work. I know that sounds dumb, but it's mentally tough!
Thoughts?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I think all of your feelings are normal dday. Don't beat yourself up.
You are going to have to toughen up and detach. I know how hard it is.
I went white knuckle, pitch black NC for a month until she reached out to me. She wanted to know when she could come get her things, ugh! Then we went another 2 weeks pitch black NC. The waiting, obsessing and not knowing created so much anxiety in me. But I kept listening to the vets here, it's really all I could do.
I was worried about every single thing I did. Was it going to solidify her decision etc??? I was terrified.
My advice to you:
1. Always come here first before doing anything. 2. Never react to something your wife does or says. Come here first and we will talk you through it. Tell her you need some time to reflect on it if she expects you to respond right away. 3. Find things to be thankful for. Literally anything to be thankful for: a sunset, your car, your kids, your friends. Sit and think about how thankful you are for these people/things. Allow yourself to feel thankful. This REALLY helped me once I started doing it everyday. 4. Stay calm. Time is your friend, allow things to play out. 5. Have fun and be adventurous even though you don't feel like it. Force yourself to get outside of your comfort zone. 6. Be the best damn dad there is! Your kids are watching you!
Hang in there buddy, this isn't your life forever.
