Back on these forums again

[Ancaire]

Why on earth did D not feel she could ask H for a ride? Is that a failure on his part, or on hers? That concerns me, too, because her safety was at risk (not your fault) and she could have done more to ensure she was okay. She's old enough to understand consequences...what on earth happened?

I am so happy you had a rolling good time with your son. Those moments are magical, and need to be cherished. Kids grow up so much faster than you realize. One moment I had a house full of five children, along with their friends. Now, it feels so empty I want to run out and adopt more! LOL

(((Mona)))

You're doing okay.

[Gmum]

Wow Mona, I don't know what to say. What you accomplish in a day, would take me a month.
And your Walking in the park at night story makes me glad my D will never ever grow up.

[Mona52]

So Tuesday is so far away. I am fantasizing how much better certain activities will be after the doctor. I even hinted to my D that

A. I have a problem (she has no idea, no one does) and

B. I am going to talk to a doctor on Tuesday. I told her because I dont want to back out, now I have someone to hold me slightly accountable. I do not want to look weak in my D's eyes, right?? But chances of me backing out are so low because I am so excited for my life after
I would rather walk down the street naked then go to the doctor, but AFTER OMG it will be wonderful.

Just thinking of it has boosted my confidence. So much so that I sent a text to my H this morn.

Ok, you all need to relax... it had nothing to do with the R...

"I need $350.00 for bills this week. Can you give me $350.00?"

I am 99% sure he will give me zero. and 1% sure if he forks over any cash it will be less than $100.00. So In the end I am going to have to go to my mother and beg for money this weekend. Oh well. It is not the worst thing in the world, but I still hate it.

Does anyone here know how long it takes to ever get child support? I files 8/16/15. We had our hearing 9/11/15. H started new job 9/14/15. Order to with hold from his paycheck was received by his employer 9/25/15.

So how much longer will I have to wait?

I remember last time it took me 8 months to get any money from him, but that was 15 years ago and I cannot remember how long it took me to file for support to begin with.

[Mona52]

Thanks Judy! I have no idea. I asked her and she said she did not see H's car so she did not stop. I told her his car was right out front of the house. She said she did not see his car so she did not walk down to the house.

However, I do not think she is being 100% truthful. I have been trying to get the kids to ask him for stuff instead of just me, but they wont. Every resource I have read said not to force the kids to communicate with the parent who left. I make it as easy as humanly possible for them to speak to him, and I encourage it daily. I make it equally as easy for him to access them, but I never ask him to, and I will never ask him again. That is all I can do.

DONT ADOPT... BORROW MINE!

(((Gmum))) I read your thread, you get alot done in a day as well

[Mona52]

Earlier I texted him and asked him point blank (like V said, all businesslike) for $350.00

He texted me back, lol

Him:"You want more support over the support I already gave you?"
Me:"I have never received any support."
Him: "They took it from my last check."
Me: "I dont have enough money to make it, can you give me $350.00?"

crickets......

I was reading about communicating with the male of the species and V you were right. business-like... In the past I would have texted him a wall of text justifying my reason for asking him to do something. I would have listed the uber important reasons why it needed done, apologized for asking, then a long list of reason why I could not do it, and finally end with the request for him to do it.

It feels so weird just blurting out, 'give me money'.

Let's see when these silly crickets go away if I have 350... I do kinda need it, I am not making up non-existant bills.

[Mona52]

Quote from MWD

If you spouse isn't doing exactly what you hoped for, don't withhold praise and positive feedback. When you encourage small steps along the way, your spouse will see you as an ally rather than an enemy, and be much more likely to want to please you. With any luck, s/he might eventually get it "right".

Still crickets. But I am kinda sure who ever talks first loses in this sit. So I am going to be sure I do not talk first.

Then, no matter how much he gives me (I have zero hopes at this point he will give me the whole 350), I will thank and praise him for his ...cough... outstanding ...cough.... effort in providing for his kids.

Yeah, there is no way I will call it outstanding

How about,

"Thanks, I would have really struggled to make it to my next paycheck 2 weeks from now if you would not have helped. I know you are trying to pay back people who have helped you these last 2 months and you are trying to save for your new place, and I know this was not easy for you."

I put him in the light of provider (something he is COMPLETELY not used to), savior (again, something he rarely ever hears) and I let him know he put me and the kids as a higher priority than other people (something he has not done in a long time) and I show I see him sacrifice what he is working for...

Why does doing this make me feel nauseous. I really want to call him a pathetic SOB for making his kids beg him for help...

But if I do it the right way, who knows, maybe next paycheck he will offer to buy the girls a shirt or something else to help, since this time went so well...right?

[Sotto]

Hi, I would just make a brief reply if he does help:

Thanks for your help - I appreciate it :-)

[Mona52]

Thanks for your help Sotto I appreciate it :-)

[Mona52]

HEHE so I was unsucessful in DB'ing 2 minutes ago. I'm an idiot, but at least I am a giggling idiot.

I shared a silly photo on my Facebook:

A child asked his father "What is a man?" The father replied, "A person who takes responsibility for his family and his house and takes care of them."
Then the child said. "I hope I will be a man like mom one day."

**NOTE That only made me laugh because of my particular H and only him. I actually love men and respect them as a whole.

yep, once my H sees that my 350 will go right down the tubes, but I made it this long without his money... and I needed a giggle.

[Mona52]

He texted me that he asked everyone and he has already tapped out all of his resources and he cant borrow more without paying people back. He will keep trying but it does not look good.

It stinks that he cant, but I half way believe he tried. And all that matters to me today is that I can halfway believe he tried. When he lived at home he never lifted a finger to try to help me.

So I will beg for cash from mommy... Ugh... Any day now I am sure I will get support though, AND i just read the website, it looks like the IRS SHOULD just give me his tax return this year because he is 2 months or more behind. So I just need to tie a knot in the end of this rope and hang on a little longer.