A while back (years ago, really) I realized I was mourning for the marriage I wanted and not the marriage I actually was in. It's funny because we live in a small town and my W is very popular due to all of her church work. People constantly come up and tell me how wonderful they think she is. And to them, she is.
But of course they don't know the whole story.
It sounds to me like you're handling it well. I'm not so sure that you can't be detached and also feel it a bit if your XH marries someone else. I think detaching means detaching from our emotional dependence on our spouses...from our own addiction to them and the 'comfortable hell' we had both gotten used to, and pursuing them in an effort to put things back like they were before no matter the cost to ourselves and everyone involved.
