I agree. They do not think things through at all. Don't make the mistake I did a couple nights ago. You (I) shouldn't be the one to try to point out the flaws in their plan. Just makes them dig in more, I fear. There was a lot of truth in what I said, but my emotions got in there too.
Ancaire, I envy that you can "step away" during your conversations. I wish I could do that, I get emotional and feelings come out.
You giving the space they ask for is NOT what caused their A. If they are going to do it, you can't stop it. That is a problem inside them. I know people who treat their spouses like crap, yet stay together and stay true to each other.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
D, remember I practice that stepping away! I might be getting my own special rulebook soon, should anyone happen to catch me doing it...lol
Some days are better than others. When H informed me he was only staying with me because of my (apparently masterful) blackmail skills, there was ZERO detachment involved. I freaked out!
I'm finding the whole thing amusing now. I am clearly in the wrong business! I could be a billionaire with these mad skills I have.
I've been reflecting...the blackmail comment? I'm amused now because I finally realize the absolute wisdom in the rule: "Believe 100% of nothing they say, and only 50% of what they do." The WS is hurting/scared and will lash out or say things that make no sense at all.
It got to me at the time. I recognize it now for complete bovine waste. Why H is telling himself that is a mystery to me. Maybe because he's got so much invested in the tale he's told his friends? Who knows? Who cares?
The things he's done, on the other hand...breaking it off with OW. Committing to MC. Going to Retrouvaille. I sense a change in his thinking. He's got to be miserable right now. I hope he is. He deserves to be.
You are showing such calmness and strength, I wish I could be where you are myself. I think the both of you going to this retreat weekend is a good sign.
Thanks Rouky! I'm happy to see you checking in. I cannot tell how it's going to turn out, but I do know I will continue doing my best everyday. 7 full days to go, then weekend intensive retreat on the 8th day.
I'm terrified! LOL
Avanti, have a nice clear image in my head now...just working out the steps for my map/goals. Will be sharing those for my fellow DB'ers.
We're only going to have to talk in the group once; we have to introduce our spouse, and state one good quality they have. Problem is, H lost all the good qualities I once admired. I have a week to think of something. Nothing I ever liked about him is true at the moment. Good thing I have a week to come up with something!
Probably the reason they let you know about the question in advance, to get you thinking along the right lines before you get there, what is good about...
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I'm still trying to think of a truthful answer! I got nothing. I guess I can pull something out of the past. I used to say he was kind, gentle, loyal, faithful, compassionate, a fantastic father, great sense of humor, intelligent, fun to be around, etc...
He's voided all of those out for me. I haven't seen any of those qualities in months. I guess I can say he's determined. If only he determination hadn't been spent on getting rid of me.
I'm pretty angry with him today. Nothing has happened, it's just all the crap he's pulled is circling around in my head. I'm ready to be Divorced at the moment. I'm tired of being treated badly, tired of his crap, and tired of having to be the strong, forgiving one.
Yes, I know. It will pass. I didn't sleep last night. The nausea and sleeplessness are back full force, just like after BD. I kept a cracker down today. Yeah.
I feel for you Ancaire. I am in a similar spot today. Nothing happened, yet I feel bummed. We can both use this time to help detach. Obviously, we both need it. Find things to be grateful for. Be thankful that you have the retreat coming up, that is an awesome opportunity!
You can do this. Your a great person, and deserve happiness. Never forget it.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
