Retrouvaille information, for those who are curious:
Go to the main website, .org
You look for meetings somewhere near you. The meeting closest to our city didn't start until April of next year, so I found a city about an hour and a half away that started in October. You have to pay a non-refundable deposit to sign up, so I asked H, he said ok, and I paid the very reasonable deposit.
After sign-up, a representative contacts the person who signed up. They ask if spouse is aware, and ask a series of questions. I can't remember them all, but the three that really stick out are:
"Are you committed to working on your marriage?" "If there is another person involved, we require you to break that off before attending. Are you prepared to do that?" "If you are attending MC, please inform your therapist that you are attending Retrouvaille."
They go on to explain a little about the program and what to expect that weekend. They are a donation supported group, so they ask that in addition to your deposit, you be prepared to donate what you can at the end of the weekend. If you can't afford anymore, that is okay. You are asked to bring snacks to share with 15 other people, because most attendees are stressed, and like to nibble.
You have the main weekend, which lasts Friday through Sunday. (Meals are provided.) Then you have 6 follow-up weekends (one afternoon) to attend where you continue building on what you learned.
After talking to the person who signs up, they then contact the spouse and ask the same series of questions. I know H talked to them, because he told me he did. He is aware of the time commitment, too, and still willing to go.
I just received a letter from them, which goes over all this again, and stresses that if you are not willing to put in the work, or willing to give up Other Person, not to bother attending. It only works if you are prepared to do the work. I put it on H' s desk, so he'll have to see it. I will ask to make sure he did.
If he states no objection after that, I'll really start to feel hopeful. He can be in no doubt that we are "working things out".
After the weekend, I will of course be back here to tell you all about it! They boast an 80% success rate of saving marriages, no matter how troubled. That's really something to be excited about. I have to figure with their stance on OP' s and substance abuse, most of the 20% that don't make it, probably have major issues or a lying spouse.
H has a pool tournament this weekend. Then the next weekend, we start to really put in the work. I'm hyperventilating! LOL
