I do, however, think my W is in the midst of a MLC. Here is why - less than a month after BD, she buys a jeep, gets younger clothes, etc. Even "talks" differently - saying things like "sweet" (which she never used to do) or even cursing more. When I mentioned "what was that" she stopped talking that way... Is that a sign of a MLC?
Could be, however, the visible signs you've given run parrell to a WW.
Quote:
Do I seem like I am on the losing end? After reading what Sandi wrote, I am having serious doubts about things. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Oh my goodness, ^^^ that made me cringe.
Your stitch is not odd, at all. Have you noticed all the in-house separated people on the board? Btw, my H and I did not argue/fight either, b/c he simply would not do it. So, even though your stitch seems unique to you, it really does not appear different to us.
I did not mean to upset you. I just wanted you to see a few things from this old former WW's point of view. I understand how you would feel that you are doing everything you know to do. And, that is why I pointed out several things.
Let me inject, however, that when newcomer LBH'S attend MC or try to mix DBing with some other techniques from various authors of books, programs, etc., it can cause confusion for the newcomer. Right off, I questioned your MC. However, if she's hired to give you both face to face advice as a couple who says they are working to save the M.....then she may be advising as though you were reconciled. The work you need to do during the walk-away to the reconciliation period.....is quite different. Make sense?
Your W agreed to go to couples counseling b/c she felt it was unfair to you, if she didn't go. To me, that is not with the same heart as wanting to actually do the necessary work to save the MR.
Anyway, I think you could fine tune some of the things you are currently doing. For example, contacting W only when necessary. What constitutes necessary. I know most everyone says "the kids", but what about them? Why do you have to contact her that it could not wait till everyone is home? Discuss it in the evenings or before leaving for work.
The biggest thing I am seeing currently, is how you serve her cake. Again, if you can't see how she wants the best of both worlds and how what you are doing is not changing the stitch.....then I don't know that what I say would matter. If you have read all the threads on the WW, then it pretty much covers it.
Detaching is all about how you think. I hope you have not skipped over the detaching link. Honestly, I doubt you will experience DBing detachment as long as you have so much fear of losing her and living without her in your life.
I do not believe couples counseling will work while she does not want to commit. You could attend IC, but I think it is a waste of time for her.
Vacation? Do you mean with, or without her?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
