LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (2)

[gs9]

So far everyone who has posted has been telling you what? You aren't detached

Very true. I'm trying to detach. I need to quit trying and just do it. I find myself wondering about everything. Trying to solve a puzzle that's missing a ton of pieces. No reason to try to start to solve it.

Fear

fear is at the root of control, you are walking on eggshells trying to nice your W back into the M, not going to happen.

Walking on eggshells is something I did all through our M. No more! I've stopped worrying about making her angry. Her anger is her problem

A woman can not love a man whine she does not respect.

I've set boundaries and I'm standing up to her. I have seen her beginning to respect me.

She is controlling g the situation by manipulation and you are not helping matters staying attached to those puppet strings

I'm doing my best to recognize the manipulation and not fall into these traps

I use Clint Eastwood as a visual in most situations ... What would he do with a sink ful of dishes... Ponder do I wash them/not wash them? Do you really think a plate or 3 is going to save your marriage??

I do not. But I also don't want to make things worse. The dishes would be just one house task. I guess the question should be " do the dishes in the sink bother me?" They do not bother me so I should only do the dishes if I feel like doing the dishes/running the vacuum/ making the bed etc etc....
This makes more sense to me and is me taking care of me.

She just days ago accused you of a physical attack , then you awaken to her apologizing ..... Yeah that's 5 gallons of crazy you need to let her go and figure herself out

I wish she was only 5 gallons of crazy. 5 gallons I could handle

As far as the affair.. Citing the date ... You need to continuously tell her you are sorry for your actions, you can not change the past, if you could there are a lot of things you would do differently ... Then end it.

I spent almost a year apologizing for it and asking for forgiveness. I stopped apologizing when she started cheating. Should I validate her feelings but not apologize? Is that how validating works?

above all that as a Believer you trust in Him and His plan.... his plan not yours ... That's where we all struggle is it not... When our plan no longer is clear to us... he knows best. I can attest that I would have NEVER learned the lessons I needed without going through what I went through, what I continue to go through... And I still know he is in full control of all this ... That epiphany saved not only my M... More importantly ME

I know with out Him I would have never made it this far. He has done a great work in me over the last 15 months and He will be faithful to complete it. I do struggle daily to take my hands off the situation and have to remind myself several times a day to give WW and M to Him.

Thank you for the constant reminders.