Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

Thanks Mahh! I never made it to number 9, but I de-stressed by taking my daughter to an Italian restaurant at 10:00pm for a sinful dessert (only dessert).

Hi V,
I work hard, but it is OK with me because I can handle ALOT. If I can do 10 things in one day and I only do 5, I cannot look at the 5 things I got done and be happy, I think about the 5 things I did not do and I feel guilt and disappointed in myself. You guys have heard part of what I do in a day, probably more than anyone else in my world knows right now, but I have only posted 50% here, because you just would not believe it if I actually typed my plans and goals.

I think I am having an issue getting cash from him because it has been all on my shoulders for so long. I made DB'ing mistakes in the past. I went from him leaving me while I had no job to him returning as me as the bread winner. Since I made more, the bulk of responsibility has been on my shoulders. So he has been able to off load when he needed to. It spiraled to now he expects me to just take care of everything.

I do not think I overspend except in 2 areas. Our clothes come from thrift shops, I do not buy decorations and other household stuff, and I just got my hair done for the first time in many years. We get groceries from the discount grocery store. My H on the other hand over spends. He makes $100 and spends $1000, I make $1000 and spend $100. Except in 2 areas. The first area I WAY overspend is the kids school. I cannot really afford for them to go to a catholic private school. But I will eat grass before I take them out. Speaking of eating, the other way I completely overspend is dinner. We go out to eat so much. The reason is I am too tired to cook, and instead of going out, I should have my kids make dinner, or I should cut back on other activities, I know this and I should really try to do better.

I do not really have debt myself. My credit is golden, which is why I was able to get increases on my line on my card to float through this mess. It is my H's credit that is in the toilet, and I cant help that.

On the next point, you got me dead to rights... I have a hard time saying no to the kids. ESPECIALLY now. I really feel if I would have never chosen that man to marry, they would not be going through this right now. When I look at them, I feel like him not calling is my fault, so when they ask for anything I move a mountain to get it.

Thanks Rick! No my expectations of myself had nothing to do with what I expect him, or others to do. For example, a few years ago, one of my nieces gave me a silly Rubik's cube for my birthday. I took it home, mixed it up and solved it. And I did it again, and again. I started to time myself. I can do it now in about 3 minutes. I never, ever solved it in front of anyone else at that time, because I was so embarrassed it took me 3 minutes. Even typing it here I feel like everyone reading thinks that is pathetic. I would never expect my H or kids to even be able to solve 2 sides, heck one side, in three minutes, or at all.

My expectations of my H were clearly told to him. I asked him to try and keep promises to me, and to sleep in bed with me most nights. He likes to play on the computer alot. I'm good with that, but I am not good with spending night after night alone on bed.
And it really hurts my feelings if H tells me he will do something and then doesn't even try to do it, and doesn't acknowledge he did not get it done. I wont ask him go get one of the kid's birthday presents at the store. But if he tells me he will take care of it, then I do expect him to at least try to get to the store. He would tell me he would get something done, then sit on the computer all night or just not do it. He would never say "I'm sorry, i did not do x." He just never acknowledge it at all.

It is the same with the kids. I expect D16 to get A's, because she is more than able to. I expect D15 to get C's, that is her ability. I expect my S11 to not get detention, which apparently is too much to expect. But I have different expectations for each person in my life because we are all different. My expectations for myself is miles more then any person, because I can handle it.

THANKS mutatio! I am trying hard today to think that way. Thoughts have crossed my mind that I jumped off the fence in reaction to his words instead of thoughtful decision making. But I keep pushing them away. I can do a few things to make my M better, and if I do them and they do not work, then I will know I tried my hardest.

I hope I answered all the responses. Thanks so much for stopping by!