Continuing to work on myself. Went for a 50 minute run last night. Man it felt good and gave me a chance to really think. Also, finally spent some time upstairs in my hobby room working on something (a model) I let slide for a long time. Left the W downstairs to watch tv.
Still reading "Codependent No More." Good stuff.
Things I need to work on: I know I have a problem reading into things and not taking them at face value. Jumping to conclusions. Getting angry/irritated at stupid stuff. There are still so many things that I
The W and I had a pretty good talk last night. Its funny with our situation being so unique, that we never argue...even now - well, when I exposed her EA 6 months ago, things got really heated.
At any rate, we discussed our situation a bit which is something we really haven't done outside of counseling. It all started when she mentioned something about our annual family vacation to our favorite place - mine, hers, I guess used to be ours, and the kids... She mentioned that she wanted us all to go, as long as we still understood our separation. I told her I would think about it and get back to her in a bit.
That talk led her to say that we are separated and in a platonic relationship. She went on to say that the separation/space is necessary for us to work on each other, and to also work on us and see where things go. It was something I had been saying all along but this time she said it herself. Not sure what to make of that (yes, I know not to believe...). Something else she did say about the vacation - I mentioned how fun the vacation is and she agreed and went on to say that if something happens then just let it happen and it can't be forced.
That was probably the best communication that we have had in a long, long time. I told her so and thanked her for it. She seemed to really agree. Maybe our communication is starting to turn the corner. If ya'll recall, communication was a weakness of ours.
So that's pretty much where we stand now. Going to be honest, guys. I miss her terribly and find myself still very much in love with her (yeah, I know...) even after all that has happened. But I am slowly coming to the realization that I am fine - thats not to say that I would revert to an emotional mess if she does go ahead and file for D, but now it just seems like I am fine. How can one be fine yet so desperately want the marriage to work?
I find myself wanting to tell her that our old M is dead and that a new and better one is there for the taking. Would that be a bad idea?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
