I think I belong in Piecing...

[hopeOK]

So what about when piecing is humming along but you're so disappointed in what this person could do to you and the R, and it's like you see these sides of your S that you never saw before.

I feel like H has no character. How can I live with someone who thinks lying and cheating is okay? I see it in little things, shortcuts he wants to take in dealings with others, little dishonest things he wants to do (I veto it). I'm so sad... What happened?

I think this is a trap that is easy to get into but works again DBing. I think this is how my H cheated on me... what enabled him to do it w/o feeling too bad- thinking that I always had contempt for him, thinking I was done w/ him & even cheating on him, thinking that I disliked him. So I think it is far more helpful to think of them as damaged ppl who make bad choices when they are not in their healthy mind/healthy thinking. Also, remembering that what they do is on them.... it has no reflection on who you are as a person.

A positive observation on interaction: Several weeks ago, I asked H to give me a hug and say goodnight every evening (he goes to bed very early for work). I guess it could be classified as a goal?

He complied, but to begin with it was awkward, and he didn't do it every night.

Now, he does it every night on his own initiative, and it feels much warmer and sincere. I think this is an example of how the feeling is created from the action. Fake it till you make it.

Yes, fake it til you make it is a good thing when things feel awkward. It can push you through the tough times and into good times if you can stick with it. Good work!