Sandi2 - Im a little confused as I dont think I have a WW.
Of course I dont know what she truly thinks but from the R conversations we have had:
1. Things haven't always been bad (over last 4 years) 2. I have a lot of special qualities 3. She never wants to hurt me 4. ILYBINILWY 5. BUT 6. She wants to be happy and is tired of putting others happiness first (me and Sons) 7. She has tried everything to improve M 8. She has tried counselling (7 years ago when she post natal depression) 9. The sex issues (boring and never initiated by me) 10. Probably a whole lot more but she has never told me 11. As far as W is concerned M is over. 12 She wants amicable separation and divorce 13.she has even wistfully mentioned me living in the same street in another house!
So my reasoning so far is:
Improve R with my sons Address any other complaints from W that I can think of. Be more confident as a Man Be more assertive Distance myself from W - No pursuing at all GAL more Arrange breaks away with kids and no W
Last edited by isittoolate; 10/15/1512:21 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I think you could listen a little more as well. Reading between the lines, I think your W is saying 'I really want my S to go on the school trip'. Again, JMHO, it might come across as controlling. Why not let him go and have a cheaper holiday?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I will listen to her reasons. Deposit is £110 so we could afford to lose that. She might even pay for it all herself. Her income is 25% more than mine.
I would like to state that separation will cost an extra £1000 per month miniumum: rented house,council tax,gas,electric,water,tv, etc .This is reality. But it will likely lead to an R talk which I dont want.
That will tip us into debt immediately even if we cut back on other spending. Separation will affect everything. She has already thought of that and wants separation anyway.
Last edited by isittoolate; 10/15/1512:49 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Good, don't say what you'd like to say. Also, she made all the financial decisions? She made a lot of the social ones too it seems- this trip, kickboxing etc. If so, I disagree w huddy maybe. Perhaps you need to assert more here. Only you know the true sitch though
Good, don't say what you'd like to say. Also, she made all the financial decisions? She made a lot of the social ones too it seems- this trip, kickboxing etc. If so, I disagree w huddy maybe. Perhaps you need to assert more here. Only you know the true sitch though
Is this the case? Did your W make most of the decisions? Reason I'm asking is that this is what my M was like. My Ex liked to be in control of these things and for most of the M it worked fine and I was happy for her to do this. She was very good at it but now I realise how controlling she was. It seeped into every part of my existence and guess what? Yes, she threw all of that in my face at BD. So I agree with OhGreat here in as much as you should assert yourself if you think it's the wrong decision to send your S on that trip.
Also, money. Yea, I used to worry about that all the time. Funny that Huddy and I were discussing our early threads last night and how we never visit them any more. I do remember posts of mine similar to yours but now I've came to realise it's only money. Start working on YOUR budget and not the affect this will have on the family budget. You may be surprised by what you can achieve.
Good luck mate.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
She made all the social ones wrt her own social life and the kids - she was always the one to sort out child care etc.
Complaint: I didnt make enough effort to create nights for the two of us. (Except last Feb when I organised a weekend away for Valentines. Comedy night, evening meal and hotel stay. It was very good at least from my perspective.)
As regards my social life without her - well of course I sorted that out myself.
I will probably play it by ear - check her mood. I will be mentioning the weekends away with the boys - which might surprise her a little.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Back in 2011 after 1st BD W kept wedding rings After 2nd Bomb Feb 2012 she took them all the way to May when we reconciled.
Now she Keeps them on except when she does exercise (this is her normal behaviour). For the last 6 weeks she has followed an exercise program were she runs at least 1 mile every day.
In other words she takes her rings off and puts them back on every day.... Go figure??
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
In other words she takes her rings off and puts them back on every day.... Go figure??
Why bother?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Quite. Whilst I understand it's important to you that it still shows some kind of commitment, ring or not, you're still in the same spinning situation. I think rings are the least of your problems right now.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
