Roiste, you have taken a lot of courage to keep up fighting doe your marriage. It is more than commendable, it is in my mind a heroic action for what your heart has gone through.
Now fo4 your questions...I think I types something about gifts, small & heartfelt is just fine as long as you genuinely believe of will not move the needle. You are still in love with her. It is still your anniversary to a marriage you are still believing in.
My opinion on limbo, you already know. I think that limbo has taken its toll on you and I just like a bomb drop, but without the certainty.
Why can you not just move forward with your life despite her not saying that she needs a separation or divorce? Why can't you treat yourself like a superstar and still live in the same house. Why can't you get out and enjoy your life despite being in a marriage that your spouse is not actively meeting your needs.
Ultimately that is up to you what you want to do. Is sex the end all thing that you just no longer can do without? Is affectionate desire or caretaking something you cannot move foreword without...if so you should find out what can you do instead.
We have been holding onto that rope so tightly for ever. They feel it like a noose. Even if you aren't telling her what to do and trying not to control her, they still feel your holding on so tightly that it is effectively still control. It affects our behaviours and our moods.
What if you just let go and I mean, really really let go. Have you tried to imagine what that would look like? Roiste out having a good time and being happy without worrying about his marriage. I am not worried about you not meeting your obligations, I know you will continue to do that because of the man you are.
I am talking about no longer enabling her depression or whatever it is with your attention and your hyper-caring. She will need to figure this out on her own. At this point you've sat by her side and held her hand while you keep putting hope that she will come around. She hasnt been able to. They have been so constrained in thierbown heads and they feel that we are what is holding them back. Holding onto that rope is more of the same to them.
So many people say hope is a good thing...hope though does not give us the opportunity to see the future, it has clouded the possibility for any outcome besides a happy reconciliation and a wonderful marriage with your wife when she comes around. I do think that some hope is ok, but my gut tells me that your vision through hopefulness sees you two side by side forever. I am the same.
Let go. It is easier said than done. I know. I have been holding this rope for so long and so tightly because I believed this will pass, that my love and generosity and blah blah would make a difference. That no matter what I believed love will overcome. I am a dope. Just let go and start working towards your happiness and let's see what will happen.
I actually just meant to type a hi and I am supporting you but a purge ensued. I hope that I am not coming off as a hypocritical because this where I am too. I am right where you are and I am still trying to figire out why I have been unablebto just start walking. I thought I had more than a few times, but I guess I was just lying to myself and have not truly me go. Why? do we need wife to actually leave for that to hqopen...I hope not.
Sending you my hope for a better future, you are worth it!!!
