WAS or what (2)

[roist]

Posting recently on another thread about when I was depressed,i remembered that I am really grateful to my W. Ironic as our R is surely a big part of why I was depressed. She helped me realise that I had a family that needed me too (at the time I was home abroad a good bit due yo my dad dying). At the time I saw her as being unsupportive and I believed that she and kids didn't give a damn about me. Long story short I got home and really realised my boys do need their dad.

I am grateful that my W as this started to lift my fogand a bit after I sought help for my depression. Otherwise I was on a very dark but short path.

Despite her not really supporting me during my times of need, I cannot help but acknowledge I had (have-ish) a lot to be grateful for. This does not eliminate what I am going through now, but helps me find the strength to carry on longer.

I decided to buy the small anniversary gift. Not to so feels spiteful and more reacting than acting. How she treats me is not going to determine how I act. She is mean , I'll be mean.... is not how I will act.

If people interpret this as doormat action, let me know. I don't have any expectations in return. I have mentioned this a few times because I was not sure what I wanted to do. Not giving it seems appropriate as we seem further apart and is more in line with the rules here.


Other than that not much to say. I am sorting out dome of my other stresses.I am thinking hard about either developing business or finding a job. Would be hard to work for someone else after being own boss, but the right job in right company could do me the world of good. Plus meet new people and would be in better place in regards to getting a loan if needed. I will need to improve concentration at work though as no other boss will be as understanding as the current one!

I am meeting most of my goals. Biggest one I have not moved on yet is joining a club. I have good reasons for dragging my heals on that but it is still an important one to take care of when I get back. It'll get me out of the house and meeting people.

I have started reading a pMA book too. I am doing well not going moody and grumpy but feel I could be more cheery around house.

I spend time with sons, a lot of which is really just spending time with then, but on a daily basis there are some genuine fun interactions where they smile and grin and it is 100% for me.


In the first six months of this I seemed to have made small progress in interactions with W. The last few months interactions seem less. Not cold but shallow. I will think about what was workingand what isn't but I find it hard to pinpoint anything working.

Sometimes I wish my W would just say she doesn't love me or doesn't want to be with me. After 20 years together I deserve more than just her checking out. Yrs she deserved better at times too, but still I don't understand this. I am not going to try and figure this out nor get too angry at her nit st least telling me. I'm now focused on doing what I need to do for me.

I have changed during all of this and I think W will be in for a big surprise if she does drop that bomb. I am not as weak and dependent as she probably thinks.

Michele has said recently that it is not weak to put up with less than optimal treatment from S. I now agree but feel maybe my W sees it as being weak to accept so little without saying anything.
Enough I mindreading and talking about uncontrollables.

A question for the vets now that I am I believe ready for the answer. Limbo such as mine without a realBD, what is the best strategy for a LBS to break such limbo? Is it to GAL and move forward letting S see this and realize in their own time that LBS is no longer left behind but actually ahead.Or is a stronger sign/action better? Ye can answer in general based on other situations over the years, or more specifically about mine. I am not asking to be told what to do but an opinion on what ye have seen working.