Still riding the waves

[mleigh4]

Hi Hawho. Since S was born, we stopped the driving all over town to visit family on the holidays fiasco. We stay at home and make a big feast. It is usually just us 3, and maybe his dad or my mom. Thursday night's are H night with son. So, I plan on letting him have S that day like normal (Thanksgiving) and having son with me for our own feast on Friday. I can go to a friend's on Thanksgiving if I don't want to be alone. This is my plan, we will see.....I can't imagine just the 3 of us being together....it would be nice, but allowing H to cake eat. I definitely don't want his dad over, I am done with the fake family time with his parents pretending as if everything is normal. Just too awkward for me.

We don't have any planned times all together, they are more spur of the moment, like movies and yes, Costco!

I really think mostly of S as far as stopping the family time. Honestly, I don't think he really cares. If anything, he seems to just want to be with me. Last time we went to the movies, he got upset that I had invited H, he has reacted that way before. I really am not sure what that is about, I feel like I am always telling him to be nice to daddy. My son is pretty mature for his age and we are very open with each other. I was thinking of mentioning my Thanksgiving plan to see his reaction...I really don't want to add to the damage being done, I feel I need to be careful about it.

I feel so detached these last couple of days. I swear, something clicked in me Monday night, almost like another phase closed and done. I am completely focused on the Halloween party Saturday night. S is so excited, he is counting down the days. All 5 of his buddies are coming and I have everything planned, house decorated.

My neighbor behind me came down into my yard tonight when he heard me outside. (We don't have fences, just trees) He wanted to let me know that the mountain lion is still hanging out at the water tank next to our lots. He was spotted today and yesterday, and got a deer next door. He is sure the lion is going through our yards to get around. My poor deer Hopefully he didn't get the mommy deer with the ripped ear, she comes with new babies every year, she has been around forever. Anyway, we are being extra cautious. I go out with my dog for potty breaks at night and will now keep her inside while at work. I am bringing my cat in early, not sure if I can keep her in though!