WAH, in the thick of divorce (pt 3)

[ep0215]

Thank you V - I sent the revised text and got a response saying it was harsh and we would talk about it tonight.

We just got off the phone and it was quiet the argument, comical even. I know that so many other people on this board have way bigger issues they are dealing with but my STBX makes things so difficult, I don't know how to get though to him. He gets stuck on one statement and doesn't hear anything else.

He said my text to him was harsh, I thought it was pretty business like. I tried to explain that my biggest concern was that when a last minute conflict arose he and his Mom made the decision on what would happen with S4 without including me and then told me what I was to do. In the future, I would like for the two of us to come up with a solution, not you and your mother. We are his parents and we will make the decisions regarding his care. Basically all he heard me say was "next time I will word my text to you differently, more in the form of a question". Huh? that was not what I said at all. So I tried explaining it again. Again he says "I don't understand, I texted you what was going to happen as soon as I knew about it, I couldn't give you 24 hour notice."

It is like banging your head against a wall.

So then I tried stating that "we have a good co-parenting relationship going and I would like for it to continue. Next time, and this goes for me too, let's work out the solution together instead of independently." Then all of a sudden he wants to pick a fight about how my Mom picked up S4 early from school on Friday (my day), "what's that about?". I didn't even comment on that. I seriously do not know how to argue with him and I think I need to send an email about our conversation clearing up what I expect to happen in the future.

I know that this doesn't even come close to some of the heartache on this board but this is what I have to deal with my whole marriage. He would get stuck on one comment and never hear what I was actually saying. It is the most frustrating thing to me. I don't know how to DB past it.