Still having a hard time today. Guess I wasn't nearly as detached as I thought.
None of us ever are. You love her. Your posts scream it. We all lie to ourselves and say we've detached and don't care anymore but we're actually trying to convince ourselves of that. Sure she has hurt you beyond imagination. I know that hurt well my friend. Yet, even after crushing your heart, you love her. That's not a bad thing. Love is powerful. BTW, she loves you too, she's just f'd in the head right now due to the affair. She's chasing fairy tales and hopefully she'll discover they're not real. Good luck to you. I sincerely mean that.
Well, the post you quoted was a from a few days ago, but I agree. In fact, I think I'll always love my STBXW. I assume that even when I start dating again, it will have to be with the understanding that I love her. But that doesn't mean I want to be with her anymore. She is so selfish now, and has done so much damage to me and her kids that I would not want her back in our lives.
I could never go back to the M we had before - the last 5 years were terrible and I was lonely and depressed. In fact, in may ways, I'm happier now that I have been in quite some time. Now, IF WW ever comes out of her wayward fog, and starts to resemble the kind, loving woman she used to be, then I could consider wanting to be with her again. But I'm not pinning any hopes on it or planning my future around it. In fact, I would say it's highly unlikely, but I guess you never know.
For now, I'm starting to look ahead to a bright future with my kids in a successful career, taking fun trips with my family, and even dating again. There's a mystery and excitement about a promising new, unknown future.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
