Sandi, thanks for the perspective. What can I do (if anything..) to guide her to address this event? When I went to 2nd MC, MC told me that this needed to be addressed to move forward but had no suggestions. I feel W has not put this to rest though she acts as though she has by saying we have to move on, that we cannot change the past but then she will point out babies/infants (or reflect back to our kids’ time).
The choice was mutual. I made sure not to influence her decision. Each time we discussed I allowed her to speak first, validated, then shared my thoughts. W is a very emotional person to begin with BUT never thought this would have such an impact on us. W says (and I believe her when she shares) that the choice was mutual but she does blame me for not being there that day (she is emotional but never shows weakness but this will always get her eyes tearing). Absolutely, I question myself daily on the choice made.
I am certain on the timing of W’s EA. The proof is the cell phone records and W acknowledged OM was there as a friend during those times as someone outside of our social circle she could talk too. I did confront her at that time and we went to MC (1st MC) for a brief time (she showed remorse). Where I failed was I thought MR was strong and allowed that friendship to start back up a few months after (which led to PA).
She does share that abortion not only broke her but changed her; that the issue (wayward, affair) are her problem; that she cannot be fixed (that there is nothing to fix with respect to MR because it does not exist). She also has said this is her decision and she has to live with it whatever the outcome.
This is her domain, 2 masters in counseling/therapy and her line of work. I am LBH who is being DB. She points out that if it was not for the A things for me would not have changed (that I would still be the oblivious H). Reading the books, the A is me feeling the lost and I see her GAL and 180s but I also experience the WW activities (and it is killing me). Oh, did I share she is STUBBORN too (the most hardheaded woman I know).
