I read up on your sitch. Several aspects very similar to mine in terms of the infidelity.
A couple observations:
- it's very very good that you're doing DB coaching
- you don't seem to be making much progress at detaching. I can tell you, that's something that will really help you even though it's one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do.
- remember that DB isn't first about getting the W back, it's about getting YOU back
My wife did all those things. She did cut off all contact with OM as best I could tell. We went to MC together.
But I gave in too soon many years ago. I re-engaged with my wife emotionally even though she didn't actually go through with all of my requirements for re-establishing the MR. She was really just doing damage control.
So for the past 9 years there has been peace, quiet, some recreation, fun, and sex, but there have been at least 2 EAs I have solid proof of. It's possible that's just the tip of the iceberg. And in the end, my W has moved out anyway and has stated her intention to divorce me. In the end, because I gave in too easy years ago, I've only delayed the inevitable.
It's really important that you focus on you and establish boundaries, detach, GAL, do the 180s. Be prepared to let the M go if she doesn't demonstrate real, substantial change. Talk with your DB coaches about what that should be and look like. Most importantly, giving in because you're hurting won't save your M or help you build a new one.
I'm telling you, you don't want to experience what I've experienced the last several years.
