I wouldn't want to get a mortgage with just my name on it - he's fully entitled to half the equity we have. He didn't earn the money, but he took care of the kids so I could earn it, and that means it belongs to him too. I guess we could split the equity, I could buy somewhere, and he could rent, but that again feels very drastic. I'm torn between wanting to be fair, and wanting to protect myself, and not really knowing what he wants or why he wants it.
I'm very skeptical of the Mars and Venus theories about men and women. I did check out that book but I thought a lot of it was fairly badly researched and gender essentialist rubbish. More so for us, because he's the nurturer and much better at hands-on-parenting and domestic work than I am, and I'm more career focused and ambitious in that area than he is.
BUT
we do communicate in typical gendered ways. He is strong and silent, and I get emotional and babble. I think sharing feelings is always a good thing, and he (from how he behaves) seems to think actions speak louder than words.
I need to respond to him without smothering him.
Today while I was at work he texted to say he'd noticed I was looking tense and asked if I had back pain. I said I did - and I do, all the computer work is terrible for my neck and shoulders - and he said he'd give me a massage tonight if I wanted one.
I think it has been about three years since he's offered something like that without prompting.
