Ancaire, V, Mona, thank you for your wisdom. I sent the flowers. I had such a strong feeling to do so, and it didn't feel like it was coming from "me", felt like God or my intuition or whatever you want to call it was leading me to make a nice gesture at this time. I signed them from the children.

There was an email from MIL a few days ago, the first communication I've had since early September. She said "a few people have asked, we will be hosting thanksgiving again." That was it. I emailed back "thank you for the update, I wasn't sure because FIL was discussing alternatives, what can I bring?" She responded back "Nothing, it will be the same old boring menu." So I responded back "Its never boring, its traditional and always delicious. I will bring a vegetarian dish for D, if you change your mind I don't mind bringing something else, just let me know, we are looking forward to seeing you."

I then told D that the holiday was on, she said she knew, grandma had emailed her. I asked her if she had heard FIL discussing other options. She said yes, and grandma too, she told D that it was getting too hard for her to do every year and asked if she'd be disappointed if they didn't do it. So here is the deal. I have heard comments like this for the last 3-4 years. Every year I tell H and mention that we could host. Every year he snaps at me that this is his mother's holiday. He is abrupt and rude about it, as though I am trying to steal something from his mother. Even last week during our anniversary dinner he made an abrupt comment about it.

This isn't the first time I have wondered if a significant part of the problems between the IL's and me is that H does not communicate with any of us, and because of the history of crap between us, we just talk "through" H, who isn't talking at all. So MIL could be thinking why the heck isn't someone else offering to host, I am thinking, when am I going to get my chance to host, H thinks everything is fine with the status quo and shuts down any discussion about it.

H entertains conversations about me with the IL's, assumes they are correct, and rages at me. I am not talking anymore so that is one sided, but in the past I had my times when I talked to H about my issues with the IL's, and he would get upset and try to smooth things over , but it was always very obvious to me that he was reluctant to stand up to his parents. I am thinking H hasn't handled any of this well, has always tried to please everyone by taking the most passive way out, or ignore the situation completely. In the process H got overwhelmed and shut down completely, I became more angry with the IL's, and they became more angry with me. And now this huge mess.

Just to be clear, I haven't handled it well either and neither have the IL's. The whole situation is a mess.

Also, H texted me today, I was out running errands, he asked me how are things? I replied "great!" And when he asked what was great I responded "everyone happy, kids are happy, I am happy, its a good day." And I left it at that.

I also have completely lost my urge to text him because that urge costs me cleaning time or pushups. Am I that easy that I can stop my obsessing just out of laziness? It probably helps that H has been texting and calling me regularly since he left. Also I am ending the conversation first and not answering too quickly either.

Ok, enough for now. Lots of random thoughts in this post. Tell me what you think.