Take Joy!

[LoisB]

Just want to check in... had a crazy dream about Matt last night which helped me to understand some of the sadness I've been feeling.

But, first... We are in Asheville! :-) This move is something that is nothing short of a miracle. A month ago, I couldn't wrap my head around the financial details of this move at all. It seemed impossible.

Louisa already has two friends and one friend, in particular, seems to be a bestie.

We are house sharing with another single mom with a 13-year-old daughter--the friend. The house is lovely and large and deep in the mountains, but only 12 minutes from my new job. It's also forcing us to interact! And, it's within my part-time job budget, allowing me to relax a little bit while I gather commercial clients.

The new job is going well. The office is relaxed and I find myself reacting with fear--for no reason-- as if I am in the other job... I'm going to look for some counseling for PSTD which is a result of this past 3.5 years. I tend to overreact easily and take things personally which aren't.

I am the only journalist on staff and being in a position to delegate to a reporter is making all the difference. The publisher has already offered me more hours and two other newspapers to work on... after a week. I am realizing how much anxiety I was holding, always waiting for the criticism and micro-management. I'm trying to pay closer attention to the balance in my life, so I don't allow that depletion to happen again. Still have to work on the whole looking for external validation thing.

I've kept my distance from my mother and I only reach out when I'm in a good place. I learned she told my daughter, "Don't be like your mother," in relation to setting stiff boundaries from the crazies in my family. That hurt. However, I didn't even bother to address it. I was kind and just filled my mom in on my new life. In our last conversation... when I filled her in on my new home and so forth... I could hear anger in her voice. When things go well for me... I hear my mom SAY nice things... I'm so happy... but, I SENSE the anger underneath. I don't know why. I'm braver than she is. I don't settle for mediocre and abuse and I'm guessing that has created some resentment. Whatever.

We have had more fun in the last week in Asheville than we had in an entire year in Almost Canada. There is TONS to do and we haven't even reached out to all the support in the area yet.