Trying to stay patient- part 8

[Dawgs]

So the advice needed- how do I/we approach this?? What are the steps? It's been 2 years since we S, so I don't feel the need to jump into counseling, have her send no contact letters or anything that serious right away (she agrees), which follows the usual steps involved in piecing. We need to start by being friends- maybe it's a 'pre piecing'? I told her that because I had been hurt in the past, I'd have to process the feelings of opening back up to her and feeling vulnerable. She understood and asked for ways she could help. Obviously ending 'that' friendship is #1 on my list and she's acknowledged she's willing to do that, but how? Do I just have to take her word for it when I've been lied to in the past? It feels like a strange balance of starting a new R vs 'this is what I need you to do as my W.'

Of course the "other friendship MUST end." However, first and foremost what you have written seems to indicate that she wants to try again on ya'll. And that is a big step. Remember when you two were dating? That mindset seems the most logical place to start. Of course, it would be different given your history - but go into just like that. Friends first. Go out on dates and over time test the waters. There is no script, my friend. Start from scratch and go from there - and yes, it will feel weird but you just can't jump in at full throttle, can you?

After 2 years of being S, it doesn't feel like we are coming back together as much as it feels like starting something new. Maybe it's the wrong stance, but after all this time, I don't feel like things like M retreats or counseling are required right away. I think we both agreed that if things progressed, those types of things would obviously be beneficial. I suppose the thing preventing me from treating this as a R with someone I just met or even a friend I've know for years, is the hurt and lies (aka baggage) that comes along with it....

You are correct, there is no going back to the "old R" where things were great. You two are completely different people than when you met, dated, married, etc. You both grew. So, in essence, you really are starting something new. The difference is, of course, the history you shared. Yet, you two are getting to know each other all over again. And I would find that very exciting - I wish and hope like hell that my situation reaches the place you are in now. But, all the hurt/lies/baggage is in the past and to grow as a person, one can't live in the past (something I wish my W would learn).

To me, it sounds as you are on a great path. If you want things to work, then think of it as something fun and exciting. Godspeed, friend!