I see your point about getting it all in writing, but I am so afraid that if I bring the papers first that would just push her over the edge and past the point of no return. Given her mental state, that may be the final push.
Or given that it is counter intuitive it could maybe save your marriage.
There really is no way to know, I would work on getting over the fears of divorce.
And protecting yourself and your children is actually VERY attractive.
