Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

He defiantly did not earn that reward

The jerk face (and I am being as nice as possible) sits down with me. I thanked him for reaching out to discuss splitting the kids bills. He replied " I am only talking about the cell bill." I said "I know and I will be more than happy to take a line. Now the kids have also spent x, and x, and x... it is almost $2000 this month."

He says, "Well I don't know what I can give right now. I wont know until blah blah blah.../"

I replied with a smile, "No problem, we can discuss the cell phone bill once you know what you can help with the rest of the bills. Oh by the way, I have not seen a penny in support, any idea when I might get any kind off help?"
I have to admit here, that I stuck a knife deep into him on purpose at this point. See, he cant move out of my mom's house because his credit is in the toilet... so i said "Thank God my credit is solid, I was able to get a line of credit to help me through" lol

He won in the end...
"Are you dating?" he asked
I replied "no"
and asked if he is dating? He said he wants to.

Great...

I told him to knock himself out and have fun.
And all was great. I acted happy, confident, secure, perfect.

He took them bowling and the pain started to crush me. I started this post, but the pain would not let go. I popped on Whose Line is it anyway on TV and was laughing my butt off, but it kept going to a commercial and then the pain would choke me again.

So i grabbed the dog and went to the dog park. We had a great time. But every 2 minutes the pain would slap me in the back of the head.

Then I screwed up... I sent him a text saying how bad his words hurt me.

he replied "What?"

I could not answer. I played with the kids when he dropped them off. I washed the dog, I did my S's homework, I watched my D play a video game, I cleaned my room, I set up plans for this weekend (homecoming) with my 2 teen D's. I did everything I could do to NOT text him.

Then I texted him.

I asked if I could come over to talk about this.

He said "Can we do this on Thursday, I have to go to bed."

I wont tell you how I replied because it is completely unlady-like and I am a lady (HA!).

So I did not go over, and I have no idea where in the world this pain is coming from. Yes, I was rejected, that is normal anymore, no reason for it to feel like my entire world just ended.

I did not think I cared if he dated. But when he said the words...

I woke up today no better. Nothing I can do will distract the pain long enough for me to breath. I have taken a long walk. Had 3 different conversations with complete strangers here on campus, did a ton of work, but I am getting crushed.

To make matters worse, I am so disappointed and angry with myself because know better and I am so much better than this.

Logically I know he cant freaking date. What is he gonna tell them? Yes, I live in my wife's mom's house cuz im broke, and I have had 3 jobs in the last year... HA! (OMG, I just smiled!!)

I also know that I have plans to do things this weekend that are absolutely taboo on this forum. seriously, if I told everyone here I was going puppy hunting this weekend you would all be happier than if I told you my real plans.

My real plans are to go to a party on Friday where my friends have some eligible people they want me to meet. And I very much want to meet them!
on Sunday, I am going to an all night bar/party thing with my mom where she has some eligible men she would like me to meet. And I very much want to meet them too!

I know you will all scream "NO DONT DO IT!" dating makes everything much more complicated. But I DB'ed last time for three freaking years. Three years with no physical contact... nope. I am not doing that again. He was with whomever he wanted during that time.

No lie, I need to feel wanted so badly right now, like more than air. I will be completely up front with anyone I speak to, and let them know that there is no possible way I am starting any kind of relationship, period. And I am only seeing people my bestie and mommy know are safe and not a serial killer or anything like that.