Parents: help me parenting while separated (2)

[Ripe]

Avanti,
Much appreciated to see you here.
And I would not want you here if not but to say what you think (a bit more of that in a moment).
I will have to seat down and write about what I have or have not done since I joined this forum. So you have just given me some homework.

Yesterday I had the most intense session with my IC.
It hurt so much that I cried for the first time in front of another person.
Well, I got the confirmation of something I know for some time now (and for some time I mean since I found this forum): I am a nice guy fearful of confronting and displeasing others.
This obviously had repercussion in my relationship with my STBXW.
Anyway, the point of the session is that I realized that I have created a fast and easy route between my brain and my mouth and that that path is pretty much automatic: whenever I face a situation where I might disagree or make it unpleasant for others I will always say something to appease them instead of revealing my true emotions.
This is so profound in me that I don’t even think about it.
And this is the work I need to perform on me: I need to stop this automatism and start being myself.
The funny part is that I was made to see that the way I act now is not as direct as I think. It is basically a reroute or a detour between the way I am and the way I express myself, between my feelings and their manifestation. And this is much harder than to be simply me.
I just need to create a direct path between my emotions and their expression to become truly sincere to myself.