Oh, D! I'm so very sorry. It's beyond awful what these situations do to children. I just want to play "Whack-a-Mole" with every WS's head.
How, how do they make it okay with themselves the damage they are doing to the children? Our society is seriously screwed up, to take this kind of thing lightly. I am heart-sick for your poor little boy!
It would be nice to know what "talk to him" entailed. Gah! I just whacked her head for you!
I'm so sorry, D. I have high hopes for you and your family. Now is not the time to give up. Keep on DB'ing the best you can. We're all here behind you to give you support.
My boys so far have been avoiding my W (which I've asked them not to do) but the couple of times I heard they talked during the past couple weeks freaked me out to wonder what she could say to them.
Now I'm just trying to remember she's their mom and has always been talking with them, often giving advice or saying things I don't agree with.
Such is life. Sure doesn't make it any easier though!
Thanks to both of you. W said S8 is doing ok now. According to her, he didn't like that he wouldn't see me until next week. But, he told me that he hated switching houses, and doesn't know why I don't/can't come home. She told him that I would see him Saturday, and I asked her what was going on Saturday, and got no response.
I'm glad S8 has calmed down, I am still confused though!
Sorry if this doesn't make sense...
Last edited by dday; 10/13/1510:46 PM.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I think you're going to be confused anytime you try to understand her and what she's doing. You can't make sense out of something that doesn't make a lot of sense.
Tl2, that is a very good point. She did kinda manage to get herself off the hook though, didn't she. Not sure who this person is that is in my wife's body... but I am not a fan of it!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Yeah it's tough to be sure. You're doing pretty well with it though.
The way I have tried to look at it with my W: I don't like the way she acts...don't like the alien, don't like seeing the bad stuff. The problem is, the alien is, in a lot of ways, part of the person she has been hiding from me and others. And that's been a particular kind of hell for her even though it was her choice. The fact that she's let the alien out of her cage could, in some ways, be seen as a good thing...because it's the reality, however ugly.
And there's no moving forward if everyone is not playing honestly in the real world anyway.
I know that going on as things were before...well, I don't want her to live in a private hell that she's created for herself for the sake of the marriage. I want her to come out of that cage and get help, and stand by and give her the space she needs to work her issues out and come back to the M if it's real, and honest.
The problem is, it might mean she decides not to go forward with me...which of course I don't like at all. But there's no going back, either.
Very true. No going back now. Funny, a few weeks ago, I would have settled for that. Not anymore. It's all or nothing now, if that makes sense. W is still a pretty girl, but lost her inner beauty right now.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
S6 just called to tell me goodnight. Afterwards W got on the phone. Started talking about S8 and how he was just tired and that's why he was crying. I told her that he told me it was because he wanted us to be a family and not live in 2 seperate homes. Then I told her his account of her explanation for the S. S8 said that according to her, it would end soon and she wished it was now. She says that is not even close to right. I mentioned that she is ruining a lot of things here, kids college, financial loss, etc. She said "should I stay just for the kids?" I said that I want her to want to stay. I expect nothing. I even asked who are you at one point. She made an excuse and got off the phone.
Probably didn't help anything here. B maybe a truth dart or 2. Didn't cry, beg or yell. Told her that I thought she would regret this, because she isn't thinking it through.
How bad did I screw up here?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
If you are trying not to pursue in any way I would say you were not successful. No need to worry about it now. It is said and done. Lesson learned. You can only control what you do in the future. Sometimes this gets the best of all of us. Just remember that discipline will be your friend in the long run.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
