Posting encouragement on someone else's thread a few minutes ago made me realize why participating here is such a good thing.
It's so hard to see through our own fog in our own sitches. So much easier to see the strengths and weaknesses, the fruitful and unfruitful DB-ing others are doing because we're more objective with them.
Got to where I'm posting things to other people and a voice in my head asking...Well if that's what they should be doing, isn't that what you should be doing too?
This has given me strength and clarity to do what needs to be done and do it right.
Posting encouragement on someone else's thread a few minutes ago made me realize why participating here is such a good thing.
It's so hard to see through our own fog in our own sitches. So much easier to see the strengths and weaknesses, the fruitful and unfruitful DB-ing others are doing because we're more objective with them.
Got to where I'm posting things to other people and a voice in my head asking...Well if that's what they should be doing, isn't that what you should be doing too?
This has given me strength and clarity to do what needs to be done and do it right.
Hopefully I will do that
You know why this is true?
On other threads you are completely detached.
Once you get to that point with yourself then it is also easier to see too!
So I'm going to send my wife my 'last resort letter' at some point at will include a brief amount of this memory and realization because I think it's particularly relevant.
What is a last resort letter??? Please don't send it. Write it out, if you must, but don't send it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Once you get to that point with yourself then it is also easier to see too!
I must add that this is very sound. I find myself in the same situation. In my own little world, I had a hard time seeing what was real. And I still have that problem, hence all my crazy posts in my threads. But, what Cadet said is so very true. Another thing, posting in others' threads is not only helping me to see things more clearly and detach a little easier, but it also helps me to cope and heal. If that makes sense.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Just had a quick, necessary call with the W to discuss kids' auto insurance. First time we've spoken in a few days. Somewhere along the way I've gotten much better at this happy, upbeat stuff I think.
I've also identified that the thing that triggers most of the pain at this point is the reality of her indifference, her desire to stick to "just the facts, ma'am". Then end the call with no nothing...no how's your day, etc. I see that in a lot of threads on here. The coldness is shocking. The tendency is to take it very hard. It's hard not to.
I'm trying to take her coldness as similar to splashing cold water on my face in the morning. It wakes you up, gets the blood flowing, enables you to start the day, start living one way or another.
One weak point I've discovered is that the time I'm most vulnerable to sadness and most tempted to backslide is supper time til bedtime since that is when W and I spent the most time together.
In order to bridge that gap I've been working until at least 5:30, eat a small, pre-workout meal, go to gym for 2 hours, work off any stress or bad feelings that have built up during the day, go home exhausted, eat small post-workout meal, take shower, watch something funny on tv or read...which quickly results in falling asleep.
Even that is starting to feel less necessary, but it seems mostly healthy to me so I'm sticking to it for now.
Makes it a little easier to detach when you find some of what she does repulsive haha.
I told XH whenever he blew up at me in the months leading up to the D that his behaviour reminded me of why I had even considered D in the first place. :p
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I'm trying to take her coldness as similar to splashing cold water on my face in the morning. It wakes you up, gets the blood flowing, enables you to start the day, start living one way or another.
I like that description. I guess it works not just with my XH, but with any other unpleasant people that I come into contact with.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
