W sent me an email last week saying she had been thinking about what us trying again would look like. Would old issues pop up? What would our expectations be? What would the steps be?.... I asked if she'd want to meet up to discuss as opposed to going back and forth through email. So last night we met for dinner.
A lot of the conversation was just catching up, joking around, talking about the kids, etc so not a whole lot of time on 'us'. Plus the restaurant was super quiet, so not the best place to have an in depth R talk. Anyways, I wouldn't say we officially agreed to work on things, rather, we discussed what the steps would be (ex.- talking on the phone a couple times a week, hanging out with each other) to ease back into a R. More of 'let's start with being friends and work towards a goal of R' vibe.
We left things with her asking me to send her a list of things I'd need form her (ex- ending certain friendships) and just how I would see things going forward. I asked the same from her. She's initiated several texts today about one of our dogs (at the vets right now) which is a big step in itself.
So the advice needed- how do I/we approach this?? What are the steps? It's been 2 years since we S, so I don't feel the need to jump into counseling, have her send no contact letters or anything that serious right away (she agrees), which follows the usual steps involved in piecing. We need to start by being friends- maybe it's a 'pre piecing'? I told her that because I had been hurt in the past, I'd have to process the feelings of opening back up to her and feeling vulnerable. She understood and asked for ways she could help. Obviously ending 'that' friendship is #1 on my list and she's acknowledged she's willing to do that, but how? Do I just have to take her word for it when I've been lied to in the past? It feels like a strange balance of starting a new R vs 'this is what I need you to do as my W.'
After 2 years of being S, it doesn't feel like we are coming back together as much as it feels like starting something new. Maybe it's the wrong stance, but after all this time, I don't feel like things like M retreats or counseling are required right away. I think we both agreed that if things progressed, those types of things would obviously be beneficial. I suppose the thing preventing me from treating this as a R with someone I just met or even a friend I've know for years, is the hurt and lies (aka baggage) that comes along with it....
