I feel for you. I feel exactly the same way right now.
Hasn't happened lately, but 10 years ago when we first hit the skids I would have dreams where she and I were ML and all was good, and I would have dreams where I saw her ML with the OM. It was so difficult in both cases.
Not really happening this time. In fact, I'm not remembering any dreams at all.
I think you are really doing well and much better than you seem to think. There is always more we can do, always room for improvement, to do it better. And you can't let yourself off the hook.
It's never perfect and we can often lose sight of the fact that sometimes the perfect is the enemy of the good. And it sounds to me like you're doing better than good.
Winston Churchill said, If you're going through hell, keep going.
