I'm not sure why, but I am kind of in a bit of a funk today. Maybe it's because the boys are leaving soon. Maybe because I know I will see her in a bit. Maybe because I haven't been around any of my support group the last few days. Probably because I have had several dreams of her wanting to work on us this past week or so, and I am expecting something, even though I am not being realistic. Plus I just had to call to get the gas turned on here for the furnace for winter. I guess in the back of my mind I thought I could be home by then? I don't know.
Miss my M that I had a couple years ago... wish I was building from there instead of waiting for fog lights to kick on.
Back to prayers.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I feel for you. I feel exactly the same way right now.
Hasn't happened lately, but 10 years ago when we first hit the skids I would have dreams where she and I were ML and all was good, and I would have dreams where I saw her ML with the OM. It was so difficult in both cases.
Not really happening this time. In fact, I'm not remembering any dreams at all.
I think you are really doing well and much better than you seem to think. There is always more we can do, always room for improvement, to do it better. And you can't let yourself off the hook.
It's never perfect and we can often lose sight of the fact that sometimes the perfect is the enemy of the good. And it sounds to me like you're doing better than good.
Winston Churchill said, If you're going through hell, keep going.
Thanks tl2. It's nice to have the people here that are so supportive and upbeat. I have moments that go both ways happy and sucky. Actually feel like it is at a blanched point right now. Ready for it to tip to happier! Hoping for the best, trying to prepare for the worst.
Still struggling with that. Any advice is appreciated!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I wish I had some advice worth sharing, dday. Again, my W indicated that she will likely be filing before the end of the year. Could be Dec or even Jan she said. Knowing her, she could change her mind at any moment and do it sooner which is why I'm holding off on the pressure.
So I'm getting myself mentally and emotionally ready to handle receiving papers while being prepared to take any opportunity to validate her whenever we might talk again.
The one thing that's helping me is that our sitch got so bad over the summer, and she's done me that way enough times, that I have no desire to go back to that. So if she refuses to commit and the best I can expect is more of the same, then I'm good with moving on.
Oh yeah, W and I are supposed to be in the Caribbean right now. Never took an "us" trip like that before, so I bought one while we were working on us. I had really looked forward to it, and thought she was too. Wrong again.
Just venting. Getting ready for kid swap. Going to go do the Amy cuddy thing and make myself "bigger" and more powerful.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I keep seeing everything that W does that is nice, at a sign of reconciliation. How do you balance ignoring her with being happy, and not being a total ass?
This is from your previous thread ^^. Sorry, just catching up.
Just wanted to suggest that you remember your dating days (not with W, necessarily, but just girls in general). Did you ever notice who the girls pursued (in their own girlish ways, of course)? They would flirt or find excuses to talk to the boy, or to just walk by him so he would notice her. Know who that boy was? The one who held back. The guy who didn't go sniffing around her, trying to persuade her to go out with him, acting all goofy to get her to notice him, or who kept his eyes watching her all the time. The funny thing is......the cool guy knew what the girl was doing. He just sit back, acting cool, and let her chase him. It's not just a game of growing up and dating, b/c these human characteristics don't change just b/c we get older. Our human nature tells us we want what we can't have too easily. If we have to work really hard to get it, chances are we will appreciate it more.
So, a couple of thoughts. First, if there is another guy anywhere in the picture, then she probably is missing the friendship part of the marriage.....as more of a comfort thing. Just like you miss home/marriage/family togetherness/spousal friendship, etc. It's what you've known for a long time, and it's comfortable and easier than having to go through this pain and starting single life again. Plus, if there is a third person in the picture, there's a chance he has not conformed to what your W thought he should. Maybe she feels a bit rejected, IDK. Maybe she just doesn't know how to proceed without you. Ugh, who wants to be someone's "habit"?
I have read stories about some W's who want a D, but don't want to let go of the man's emotional support and friendship. They wanted to remain BFF's. A lot of W's become suddenly friendly, nicey-nice, and even almost sweet.....when the LBH agrees to the S/D. She is thrilled to get what she wants. So, there's no need for her to act cold, mean, or the usual bad behavior a woman will do to discourage her H in working on the M. Yes, it seems to confuse the H.....but it shouldn't. That's just how women are!
On the other hand, if she's not in contact with another man, and she is missing more than your friendship....then it's good that she's pursuing you. Your job is to be that cool guy. Do not make it easy for her to get you. I even hesitate to tell you this much, b/c men want to take it and run with it. Don't!
Remember that friendliness and niceness is not equal to loving and/or romantic feelings. Bear that in mind, when you start to feel confused over her being so nice. Most WW's (if she is wayward) like the best of both worlds, and many will do their best to keep it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
W just left with the boys. S8 bawled like a baby. Said that he is tired of switching houses and that he just wants to stay with me. Tears my heart out. W says that she will talk to him. Not sure what that will entail, but I'm scared
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
