thank you brother, I am beginning to feel as if a string has come undone in my attachment and I am mourning the loss of both that attachment and the hurt from learning something new.
I plan on getting back to where I was before all of this. It is as they say "When it rains, it pours"; right now everything between us and her mom, all coming together, has me stressed a bit, and I need to get to a better place again, and soon.
Thank you like always for your kind words and thoughts. I will begin working on myself again.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
We sometimes feel as we don't want to rock the boat by doing whatever necessary to get the ball moving and we think we are making matters worst, but in reality things are already worst, we are just waiting on "them" to make the choices for us... why?
We need to make our own choices and move on from this.
If we are meant to be together they will come back, but lets not wait. We have our lives to live, we deserve to be happy, this was not our choice but we must grab it by the horns and live and learn.
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that is the attitude I have today, we have gone through so much, its time for us to take charge.
It is so funny you wrote this, as I have been feeling the same way. It is as if we have this duality, this sense of "I want to have my family back, and understanding that she is going through something" to this other sense of "I don't deserve this, I have been there, I have been working with her and making sure that she till this day has what she needs"
I agree with you, we need to take charge of our lives and responsibility for it as well.
Lets continue to become better men and define our lives to our dreams.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Been working on getting back to me, redirecting my focus back inside...
My wife returned yesterday from her trip, pensive and very much trying to avoid her feelings about her mother and what is happening with us. Asked me to stay with her for a while with the kids, I obliged for a little while, listened, and spoke to her with love and care. It is difficult to see her like this.
I have decided to do at least one GAL that involves just me, I have decided to take Yoga, and see if this helps me really get in touch with myself, as does the meditations I do. I will continue to work on my relationship with our Lord by praying everyday, listening to sermons about the Word and reading the bible. I will go out and socialize, I plan on taking up my Salsa lessons again, been wanting to for a while now, and of course spending time with friends and making new ones where ever I am.
Today's PMA
Quote of the day:
"I am aware that my time is limited. I am aware that my moment is now. My moment to love, my moment to give, my moment to achieve, my moment to forgive, my moment to endeavor, my moment to follow my dreams… my moment is NOW. I refuse to live with the regret of gambling for tomorrow. I will not lay on my deathbed wondering what might have been. I will ride the waves of purpose and chance towards the wonderful splendor of my dreams. At the end of my day, I will rest my head on the pillow of a day well-lived and a life well-ventured."
Maraboli, Steve (2013-06-20). Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
I have been sitting here at work just going through my emotions (these ups and downs really need to stop). The negative thoughts, the shifting of my focus to what my wife is doing, possibly doing, or what if she is doing, is all just so crazy to me.
For the most part I am good, I am in a much better place than I was a month and a half ago. I started reading a new book "The miracle morning by Hal Elrod"; a lot of great insights about how to start your day, his story is one of inspiration. I have began implementing some of it into my morning ritual as I already have been doing some of it before. I plan on shifting this adversity, so that I can begin being the person who will lead the life I want. Time to refocus on myself, everyday it is a struggle but I am determined.
Heading to the gym soon, I noticed that I gained 5 pounds from the lack of discipline in eating and drinking these past month and a half. Need to shed them, feel better about myself, and focus on my goals and self-development.
Today's PMA
Quote of the day:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” - Dr. Seuss
Your evolving into a greater you EM. You should be proud of the progress your making. If you take a couple steps back every now and then don't beat yourself up, it's only natural.
Today I am filled with so many emotions. I have these feelings of sadness, hurt, betrayal, competition, and jealousy.
After my wife comes back from her trip to see her mother, I have been more than interested in making sure she is good and has support. On Friday, she asked me to do her a favor and stay with the baby while she runs to get her stuff for her upcoming business trip on Sunday. I did, during that time, we spoke in honesty about where we both are, I was vulnerable and open. I come to find out that as soon as she leaves the house she contacted one of her "friends" and although mostly work, was planning dinner, a hug, and maybe a kiss. I confronted her about it, I just couldn't fathom that after being there for her, doing her the favor of coming over to watch our child while she gets her stuff for her trip, she would do that...
Simply, this led me to tell her that if her choice is to continue to entertain these guys or guy, if they are fulfilling some of her needs to have them fulfill all of them, I don't want to have to be the one to build her up, support her in her bad times, but these OMs get the best of her. I feel so abandoned by the fact that she doesn't contact me, or share with me unless is something bad or stressful; these guys get her best now. She tried to make it seem as if I was being a child, so I told her, I am not, I am simply asking you to respect my needs and boundaries; don't call me or reach out to me if it isn't about our kids, because if other man are fulfilling the best, then they should do the same at her bad as well; why am I to be used this way. I feel as if she has been playing me.
Forward to yesterday, before she left to see her mom, I wrote a nice note telling her that she is not alone and how much I support her. I haven't heard anything about that note, that was about 1.5 weeks ago, and yesterday, I find it in the trash...well that stung, I wrote her that is nice to see she liked the note, to which she responds "I was going through a bunch of papers, and found it but decided not to say anything because of our last discussion, but I appreciate it, and I appreciate you, there are so many emotions."
Sorry guys, I just needed to jog that down....so heavy for me. I am hurt and angry.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Today I am filled with so many emotions. I have these feelings of sadness, hurt, betrayal, competition, and jealousy.
After my wife comes back from her trip to see her mother, I have been more than interested in making sure she is good and has support. In general, I understand. Its someone you care about, and you dont think she should be alone in her time of need. But, in my opinion, she fired you from that job. Why do you think you need to "make sure" of this?
On Friday, she asked me to do her a favor and stay with the baby while she runs to get her stuff for her upcoming business trip on Sunday. I did, during that time, we spoke in honesty about where we both are, I was vulnerable and open. The favor, I think is fine. But why would you have this talk. Why would you be vulnerable and open? Was she? Im guessing no.
I come to find out that as soon as she leaves the house she contacted one of her "friends" and although mostly work, was planning dinner, a hug, and maybe a kiss. I confronted her about it, I just couldn't fathom that after being there for her, doing her the favor of coming over to watch our child while she gets her stuff for her trip, she would do that... And this is why. You didnt do those things to support her. You did them with the expectation that she would change her behavior. She would see how great a husband and friend you can be, and come running back to you. She didnt change, and now you are upset. Am I wrong?
Simply, this led me to tell her that if her choice is to continue to entertain these guys or guy, if they are fulfilling some of her needs to have them fulfill all of them, I don't want to have to be the one to build her up, support her in her bad times, but these OMs get the best of her. The sentiment is correct. But I think SAYING this to her, at that time, comes from a place of weakness. Youre hurt, upset, frustrated, lonely, etc, and so it sounds like you are rejecting her to try to build yourself back up. It comes off as jealousy and control, instead of a boundary.
I feel so abandoned by the fact that she doesn't contact me, or share with me unless is something bad or stressful; these guys get her best now. She tried to make it seem as if I was being a child, so I told her, I am not, I am simply asking you to respect my needs and boundaries; don't call me or reach out to me if it isn't about our kids, because if other man are fulfilling the best, then they should do the same at her bad as well; why am I to be used this way. I feel as if she has been playing me. Look, I agree with the bolded stuff. You dont need to be a part of her ups and downs. But all of that added stuff comes across as a hurt dog licking his wounds rather than a strong man placing a boundary around himself from hurtful behaviors.
Honestly, I think you will get more mileage out of not being there for her in bad times than out of telling her not to contact you in bad times.
Forward to yesterday, before she left to see her mom, I wrote a nice note telling her that she is not alone and how much I support her. Ugh. I know why you did it. But why did you do it?
I haven't heard anything about that note, that was about 1.5 weeks ago, and yesterday, I find it in the trash...well that stung, I wrote her that is nice to see she liked the note, Sounds like the same as above. You did something with expectations, they werent met, and it got you hurt. Then you confronted her about not meeting your expectations.
to which she responds "I was going through a bunch of papers, and found it but decided not to say anything because of our last discussion, but I appreciate it, and I appreciate you, there are so many emotions." What did you really think that she was going to say?
I understand that you are hurt and angry. But ultimately, I think you did this all to yourself. You cant expect anything from her, because, as you can see, she isnt in a place where she is going to meet your expectations.
Stay strong, EMM. Im sorry if this came across as harsh. I just hate seeing people on here hurt themselves.
EMMEss, this hurts a lot specially when they are deceiving and liying to us, sometime we would rather hear it or see it and confirming the affair to get us moving forward.
But you already know whats going on.. YOU need to move on... You know my case and having had confirmation made it so much better, I mean it hurts like hell but a huge weight has been lifted.
MOve on EMmess, if she is meant to come back and be yours, she will in time but you need to let her go and live your life for YOU not for her. Stop texting , talking comforting her, etc...
You are only boosting her ego, she is getting the best of both worlds. I pray for you to come to a state where I am now.
