Back on these forums again

[Mona52]

I am so scared. I am at work, and I can't stop crying. There is one part of my self I am way to embarrassed to actually type here.

For me it is like the giant elephant in the room. The issue is glaringly there, and has been for many years, but I have deluded myself into thinking I can hide it. If I do not draw attention to it, no one will notice.

Well, I just made an appointment with the doctor to fix my issue. I hinted to the person on the phone how embarrassed I was and she was unbelievably compassionate. So much so that I started crying.

She made me feel like I have noting to be embarrassed about and they would take care of everything. She was even ready to schedule me an appointment today! I said NO. But I have an appointment for Tuesday. I CANT back out. This health issue I would rate as the biggest reason for my self confidence issues. I have been so embarrassed about it that i never dreamed I could get the nerve to ever see a doctor about it so I never had it as one of my goals. I am going to ask them to have a reoccurring appointment with them every 3 months until my issue is resolved.

It was my new sweater that did it. I swaggered into work wearing my new sweater today, and it hit me like a ton of brinks. This sweater would look so much better if x issue was fixed, so i picked up the phone and spoke to the doctor's office.

At least I am not crying anymore. Only one person at my workplace even knows I kicked my H out. We are all computer geeks and very introverted, so I WOULD never be able to explain if they heard me crying.

I remember saying (typing) the words nothing is impossible to a friend the other day, and this issue I always felt was impossible. I remember making an appointment 8 years ago at an office 4 hours away from my house so I could get it fixed and never have to see those people again, but I never went through with it.

I am so happy right now. I cannot wait until Tuesday! I am going to get completely drunk Tuesday night. There is no way I can show another human my biggest secret and not drink it off, but I still cannot wait!