Still riding the waves

[mleigh4]

I think you hit something there Job. I am so concerned about being a part of HIS life, and allowing him to be a part of MY life as he pleases. It feels that I am at a point where I can be stronger about this.

Time to let him know that I do enjoy spending time with him, but overall this arrangement is not working well for me. Time to step back further and do as much NC as I can with us sharing a S.

It seems my little tests lately have not been just for H, but also for me.

I also have come to the realization that everything to do with his place symbolizes what he left me for, I don't want anything to do with it. Not with the limbo and silence I have been put into. If we were working openly working on R, it would be different....

As expected, no word from H, no are you ok? I get upset, he goes withdrawn and silent, a pattern throughout our entire M. It makes me feel very alone, always has.