Several times over the last year WW told me she only needs me for the financial support; and would continue saying I was never there to support her emotionally. I have no idea what WW wants in the R. We spend weekends together doing stuff; no different than years past. If I go dark now she may say that’s just me being selfish; making reference to who I was before therefore NOT me doing 180s.
Your W is wayward. She is involved with another man. She is getting her needs met by both men. You meet her financial and family-togetherness needs. OM fills her "other" needs. As long as she gets the best of both worlds, why would she stop?
Let me mention something about the LL book. I think it is a terrific book and very informative. Invarabily, when a newcomer LBH reads it, he's ready to charge forward showering his W with her LL. Problem is, if she is wayward and in an affair, I doubt it is effective. When a woman's heart has turned stone cold toward her H, she does not want to hear him speak her LL, or any kind of language. Hard stuff, isn't it? However, you did not learn the LL in vain, b/c some day you will be able to show her......and she will appreciate and adore you for it. But right now.......she doesn't. And btw, giving a WW gifts is pursuing.
I don't agree with giving her emotional support while she's getting her other needs met by OM, and filling his needs and not yours (except in a couple of extreme things, such as death, serious illness, etc.) Again, that would be the perfect setup for her, wouldn't it? What is she losing due to this affair? I don't see her losing you, family time, support, her LL, your attention, etc.
Why not get your attention off her and put it on yourself? What have you done for yourself, lately? Why not GAL without the kids? Why not make your time with the kids a father & son day (or father and daughter day), only? What are you doing to expand your personal growth? What are you doing to expand your circle of friends? What have you done lately that was just pure ole fun? What are you doing to become a more interesting man? What are you doing to be somewhat mysterious?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
