have i been making mistakes too long part 6

[dwh15]

We've all had the lonely, depressing days you are describing. I remember at one point just laying in bed for most of the day with my door locked. Kids were here, but honestly I didn't care about anything. Didn't feel sad, angry, happy, just didn't feel. I barely left the room, and just laid there staring at the ceiling for hours. It was almost scary how totally detached I felt from everything.

What finally snapped me out of it was my 8-year-old knocking on the door and saying he was hungry. I got up, made him a meal, and as I started physically moving I just felt better. Also realized my kids really do need me and rely on me. It's hard enough for kids to go through the breakup of their family. I can't imagine how much worse it would be to lose a parent to suicide. Taking your life is a selfish act. Rather than deal with your own pain, you transfer it to the ones you most care about.

I know how hard it is - we all do. You just have to keep moving ahead, and know that it does gradually get easier. Also, quit blaming yourself for the breakdown of your M. Yes, you played a role, but your W also owns 50% of the blame. It's a partnership and both partners are equally responsible. It's good that you can recognize your own failings, so now the challenge is to work on you and fix those things you don't like. It's going to make you a better father, better friend, and hopefully some day a better husband, either to your current W or to some other lucky lady.