have i been making mistakes too long part 6

[roist]

I was there too. I felt unloved at home, thought kids didn't give a damn about me and I was depressed. Suicide was my back up plan. If it came to it I had that option to end how I felt. Some days u was passive about it as in if I had an accident that wouldn't be so bad. On worse days I thought of writing to my family my goodbyes and thought about the practical things such as making sure our insurance paid off mortgage so W and kids not financially ruined by it.

I really do understand your feelings. Last year whilst still depressed I lost my dad to cancer. In the lead up to that I went home (abroad a few times mostly alone. One time home my dad took poorly, so I decided to change my return flights and stay a few days longer. My W got upset and said I had a family there that needed me too. At the time I thought she was very unsupportive, to say the least.

I got home and my youngest glued himself to me when I arrived. I was wrong (& my W was right). The boys did care about me and do need me. Being depressed affects perception.

Sorry to have been longwinded but I wanted you to believe that I truly understand and that regardless of how bad things seem, you are surely seeing it worse than it actually is. Plus when things are bad, they can only get better.

I still have down days, but suicide is now not an option. It never should be. I hope that you realise that. Best if luck.