Thank you! Yes, I have been reading it. I pulled the covers off it so I can read it whenever I want - he has no idea.
Originally Posted By: Avanti
May I ask why you are going to rent somewhere with him and not move into separate accommodation? Is it simply financial and if so, how could you ever D even if you chose to?
That's something to think about. I could afford to rent a place and live somewhere separately from him with the children. I could afford the childcare I'd need if he was living elsewhere, or I could afford to pay child support if he was taking primary care of the children. The second of course would not be my preference, but he is an excellent father and I have no wish at all to get between him and his children. Nor do I wish to see them any less than I do now, myself.
Right now, he couldn't afford to support himself never mind the kids. He'd need to find a job quickly, or go to his parents. He hasn't worked outside the home for about five years now. He does have plans to return to job-based training, and he wants me to financially support that. In an ideal world I would have no problem with that at all - it is his 'turn' to concentrate on his career after devoting years to the house and our kids. But I also feel used and financially taken advantage of when it seems he's not interested in having a close relationship with me, only in the financial and practical benefits of living in a shared household.
Renting together felt like a compromise. It felt I was saying, 'this isn't working. I don't want to pretend that it is. For my own peace of mind and sense of well being I cannot get into a big joint debt with you unless things improve.' But I do want them to improve, and I think me throwing him out (he doesn't want to leave - or at least, he hasn't dropped a bomb and he comes home every night of his own free will!) would end things irrevocably.
I feel more detached but I am struggling to feel warmth and respect for him. At times he seems pathetic and cowardly to me. I believe he's probably scared - that I will behave as I have done as the past - and I think the changes he is noticing in me are scaring him too. I am warm and friendly and respectful but I don't chase him at all.
A couple of days ago he said, 'are you angry at me?' and I said, 'no, I'm not. Why do you ask?' and he said, 'you've just been different.' I wasn't sure what to say to that. I figured if he wanted to have a relationship talk or ask to spend time together, then he would - and he didn't - so I left him to it.
