When I said high risk industry I meant occupationally. Just to clarify.
Yeah, my mom is out on the relationship. She has been through this before with my father. She wouldn't take it then when she was married with family, and she darn well isn't going to start now.
I will tell her it's a hung jury. I will also tell her I believe in telling the other man. Just tell him, then move on from ALL of it. Not as a ploy. Not as revenge. But because I'd want to know. And I think A's are like cancer, they grow stronger if left untreated. Hit them with the radiation of truth and let the chips fall where they will.
I debated, and asked myself if I would tell someone if I knew their spouse had a gambling problem, a drug problem, or something else. Not sure. But frankly there are a couple of reasons this seems different. One, I've been through it and I know how destructive it is (admitting to my bias). Two, it is one of the few things that really crosses the line of truly unacceptable behavior.
Thank you Julie for the pep talk. I'm going a little batty as you can tell by my posts on Grlnfr's thread. I don't know what to think anymore. I think I'm glad I'm still legally M and don't have any reason to consider another R with anyone else for a long time. Right now it just seems like a matter of when they cheat and leave, not if. But I realize this is a phase of my grieving.
Sunny, thanks for being a pal even when I make you shake your head sometimes.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Zeus...I can promise you, not every person will cheat and leave. Granted, we're a minority anymore, but people with integrity still exist. You're going through a bad time, with a storied personal history, but I think deep down, you know I speak the truth.
I left you a message earlier that somehow went away. The hotel room had awful reception. I'm so sorry about your mom's situation. My mother, the most amazing woman ever, went through something similar when my dad replaced her after 34 years of marriage. I never really got over that. My mom never remarried until after my dad died. It really slays me when honestly beautiful souls are wounded by the careless, selfish people. I'll be happy to include your mom in my prayers.
If you want to leave a good guy because he's not new aged enough, go right ahead. If we apply this same standard to every category no man could live up and women would be walking out of marriages at record levels and the D rate would be ridiculous. Oh wait, that's exactly what's going on.
Again, tell me a time when it's ok to throw a baby in a dumpster and I'll tell you when I feel it's ok to get divorced. Y'all don't have to feel it's that important, clearly if I want company I have to do some time travelling.
Yes, Zues, that's exactly what happened here. My H was a good, faithful, loving, loyal, gentle man, but just not new-agey enough for me. So I kicked him to the curb.
My D danced ballet for years, her instructor had been a professional dancer in Cuba. When the instructor got flustered with the girls, she spoke very loudly (yelled?) at them in Spanish. I asked D how she knew what the instructor was saying. Her response was, "oh mom, she wasn't talking to me."
I'm going to choose to believe that you weren't talking to me.
If you want to leave a good guy because he's not new aged enough, go right ahead. If we apply this same standard to every category no man could live up and women would be walking out of marriages at record levels and the D rate would be ridiculous. Oh wait, that's exactly what's going on.
Again, tell me a time when it's ok to throw a baby in a dumpster and I'll tell you when I feel it's ok to get divorced. Y'all don't have to feel it's that important, clearly if I want company I have to do some time travelling.
Yes, Zues, that's exactly what happened here. My H was a good, faithful, loving, loyal, gentle man, but just not new-agey enough for me. So I kicked him to the curb.
My D danced ballet for years, her instructor had been a professional dancer in Cuba. When the instructor got flustered with the girls, she spoke very loudly (yelled?) at them in Spanish. I asked D how she knew what the instructor was saying. Her response was, "oh mom, she wasn't talking to me."
I'm going to choose to believe that you weren't talking to me.
Of course not. I stopped talking about the specifics of anyone's sitch a long time ago. I was talking in general about the idea of leaving a man that has anger issues without posing a physical threat, and of walking out on people with other imperfections.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Last edited by Cadet; 10/17/1512:08 PM. Reason: Link
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
