5th month since finding out

[Mona52]

Hello OG!

Wow, you might be annoyed by me, but I just feel like I have totally been mentally where your wife is. I have never had an affair, but your post said that your intimacy was about a level 2. And you said that was not OK with you. As I was reading it, I agreed that my own intimacy at the end was near a 2. The reason was my hands were so full with the kids and the house, and my job and everything else that I was exhausted and never in the mood.

Mostly I was exhausted because I just felt that no one else was helping with the small things, like making sure the crust was cut from the sandwiches. I know that sounds insane, but when I felt I was the only one who cared about the small things, it felt like the world was on my shoulders, because there was an awful lot of small things.

To make matters even more insane, I remember my H approaching me at these times, clearly in the mood and me thinking, "Are you crazy, I just had to cut the crusts off, how can I possibly be in the mood!?" At the time, my feelings felt valid. I had to do everything, how can you (my H) demand even more?

I don't know if your W feels that way at all, and this may not apply to you in the slightest, but I only brought it up because your next post really, really sounded like me! In the past 2 months especially, but for years I just felt if the kids would just live with H all of them would learn to appreciate what I felt they take for granted. I have said to him a few times since he moved out that I was just going to leave the kids with him.
I dont know what your W needs or what you should do, I just know when I feel like your W felt,you did exactly what I wished he would have done, just listened (and really heard) how overwhelmed I was. I also wished more than anything that H would just do ANYTHING without me having to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it. Because if I had to give him instructions, then I might as well just do it myself.

I dont mean for a second to compare you to my H. You are here, which in my book means you tower miles above most men I know. I was more comparing myself to your wife and maybe she might feel the way I did because she said the same things I have said. In my case, what you did by listening would have been marvelous!